For the Children
by jmss7
Summary: pre Chapter 5 of my story "Jane"  John's girlfriend Jane teaches Roy's daughter in grade one. One day a man with serious issues walks into the school, and Squad 51 is dispatched. Warning: addresses child abuse in several forms.
1. Chapter 1

Part 1

Los Angeles County Fireman Paramedic John Gage had been dating primary school teacher Jane McKay for a number of months and things were going pretty well, he thought. There was a strong physical attraction between them, and more than that, she was becoming a very good friend. It wasn't automatic anymore that the first person he would tell everything to was his partner, Roy DeSoto. Now, more often than not, he turned to Jane. It was nice, very nice.

It was Safety Week. When the principal of the school found out that the father of two of his students was a fireman paramedic, he called Station 51 and asked Captain Stanley if Roy and his partner Johnny could be released to come and give a demonstration at the school under the auspices of the school's PTA. "Aw, really, Cap?" complained Johnny when he heard.

"Good for the department, John."

"What's the problem, Johnny?" teased Roy, "Afraid their questions will be too difficult for you?"

Johnny glared at his partner. "It's not that. It's just you have to prepare, take everything out, keep 'em from fooling with it, and then put everything back. It's a hassle, and they don't even listen to you."

"Builds character. You're going. And that's my final word," admonished Cap. "Thirteen hundred hours at Gardenview Primary School. They'll be waiting for you."

"Cheer up, Johnny, you'll get to see Jane," consoled Roy.

* * *

><p>Just before one o'clock, Roy greeted the school secretary as they entered the school. "Hello, Kathleen."<p>

She smiled broadly back at him, "Hello, Mr. DeSoto. We are thrilled that you both are able to come to the school today and help teach the children about safety. Your wife arrived a while ago - she's in the gym helping with the classes." She walked with the two men towards the gymnasium where the school population was already assembled. "You know, it's always exciting for the children to meet firemen, but I don't believe we've ever had paramedics in the school. Here we are." She opened the door, and they saw the students were all seated on the floor, with the principal at the front of the room. He waved to them to come to where he was standing.

Johnny looked at the students. There must be close to two hundred of them! He would never admit it to his partner, but the sight of all those children made the palms of his hands sweat with nervousness. '_Give me a rescue twenty stories up any day over a school demo!_' he thought.

Near the front of the room sat Miss MacKay's grade one class, with Jane standing to the side, ready to intervene if any of her kids needed redirection. Both Jenny and Chris waved at their father Roy as they saw him, with Jenny whispering loudly in a proud voice to her classmates, "That's my daddy. And that's my uncle Johnny. He's going out with my Miss MacKay." Johnny blushed, Roy winced, and Jane shushed the little girl, a little pink in the face herself. Joanne was standing at the back of the room beside a table with cupcakes and punch on it. She grinned sheepishly with embarrassment for her daughter. The principal smiled and introduced the men to the assembly.

After they spoke about general rules for staying safe at home and at school, they took out their equipment and showed how the bio-phone linked them directly with the hospital. They explained what CPR was and why they gave medications and IV in the field. "Do you have any questions?" asked Roy.

"What was your scariest rescue?" asked a girl.

Mindful of his children in the audience, Roy prevaricated, "When you're in a situation, you don't think about it being scary. You just do what you have to do."

Another child put up a hand, and Roy nodded to him to go ahead with his question. "Do you ever see dead people?"

Johnny took that one. "Most of the people we see are alive and they stay that way, because we are able to give them proper emergency care under the direction of a doctor."

"Why do you have to shock people who have a heart attack?" asked a grade 5 boy.

Roy replied, "Now that's an interesting question, and brings up a common misconception. Defibrillation doesn't actually shock the heart; it 'stuns' it, which briefly stops electrical activity. If the heart is still capable, its own pacemakers then start firing again and make a rhythm that can restore proper blood flow. It's pretty complicated."

Johnny added, "All of this equipment requires very specialized training, and it can be very dangerous. Doing the right thing at the right time is what counts. That's why we don't do anything without consulting a doctor or a nurse."

Another hand went up. Johnny pointed to the child. "So, do you kiss teacher?" coyly asked a grade one little girl.

Jenny spoke up right away and announced, "A-course he does. I saw him. Lots o' times." Johnny's eyes got a hunted look, as the crowd tittered and snickered.

Roy tried to rescue him. "Well, we're talking about emergency situations, here."

"Could be an emergency," quipped a well-developed grade six girl. Scattered laughter erupted and Jane looked like she wanted to sink into the floor.

The principal jumped in and said, "Well, now, thank you very much, Mr DeSoto and Mr Gage. That was a very informative demonstration. We are going to invite the teachers to bring their students back to their classes now."

As the children filed out, Roy and Johnny smiled and nodded toward the children who thanked them personally for their demonstration. The grade six girl said to her friend as she passed by, "I think I could have an emergency, if that paramedic would kiss me."

Johnny turned to Roy, shocked. "She's got to be, like, twelve!" he hissed, "What's wrong with these kids?"

Roy whispered in his friend's ear, "Hormones." Johnny shook his head in disbelief.

Once the students were gone, the principal, Mr Melville, invited the men to the back of the gym for coffee. Joanne smiled widely at her husband and his partner, and proffered a tray of cupcakes to them. She knew that Johnny really needed the sugar right now. "You know how it is, where ever there's the PTA, there's got to be cupcakes," she explained.

Roy reached out to take one, "And I know they're good, because I grabbed one on my way to work this morning." Joanne waved her finger at him. "I know. And you know that I made only just enough, too!" He just smiled back at her and took a big bite.

There were several other parents around, and they had some questions on safety, mostly to do with first aid. However, one woman exasperatingly insisted that the firemen, "Explain to me why inflammable and flammable are the same thing? Shouldn't one of them mean it doesn't catch fire?"

Finally they were ready to go back to the station. Johnny sighed with relief as he closed the doors on the squad after putting away their cases. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes after climbing into the cab. Roy grinned at him, asking, "Now, was that so bad?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, and then looked down his nose at his friend with his eyebrows raised. "Are you kidding? It was terrible! And you know it."

Roy gave a laugh. "It was pretty hairy there for a while, with those questions."

"Y'know, Roy, I don't care if the Cap puts me on report. I am NOT doing one of these again. He can put me on latrine duty for a month, I don't care. That was one of the most painful things I've ever done."

"As usual, Johnny, you're over-reacting," Roy responded as they pulled away from the school, "But I gotta admit, most times I'd rather do just about anything than a school demonstration."

"Ah, ha! Y'see! That's what I said!" replied John.

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful spring day a few weeks later, and their first run of the morning had been to check out a little girl around a year old. She hadn't been walking long, and was just starting to run when she tripped, and fell hard onto her face.<p>

Her mother called 911 when she picked up her daughter and saw that she had fallen so hard that carpet fibres were embedded into her forehead. The baby's cries were unusually high pitched and her mother feared that she had broken her nose or had a head injury.

When Squad 51 arrived, Roy gently took the girl from her mother's arms and laid her on the couch. He checked her vital signs and ran his hands over the girl's head and shoulders. "What's her name, ma'am?"

"Casey. Short for Cassandra," replied the mother, hovering anxiously nearby.

"And she's how old?"

"13 months next week."

Johnny could feel the woman's anxiety and reassured her, "Her vital signs are normal. I think she's going to be just fine." The little girl had stopped crying and was looking with interest at the shiny badges on the paramedics' shirts.

Roy said, "Well, let's get her to stand up and see how she walks now that she's calmed down."

He picked her up in his arms, and she smiled sweetly and reached out to pull on his badge. "Let go, sweetheart, I want to see you walk for me, okay?" She nodded, and he placed her standing on the floor in front of him.

As soon as her feet touched the ground, she immediately crumpled to the floor and started to screech. Johnny observed, "Y'know, I don't think it's her head that got hurt. I think she might have broken her leg! See the way the right one gave just like that? I don't think it can support her."

Roy picked Casey up, placed her back on the couch, and ran his hands gingerly down her leg. "I think you're right, Johnny." He looked up at the child's mother. "She should go to the hospital and get some x-rays – we can call an ambulance to take you in."

The mother nodded. "I can't drive her, and my husband is at work." She reached out to take Casey back into her arms and sat down on the couch with her daughter cuddled against her cheek. She looked like she was going to cry too.

Roy consoled her, "These things happen, you know. It wasn't your fault."

She cooed at and soothed her daughter and told Roy, "I know that, but I still feel so guilty! My poor baby!"

In the squad, driving back to the station, Johnny commented to Roy, "It's not easy being a parent, is it? I mean, there's always something, and you just can't protect them from everything."

Roy chuckled. "I think that's one of the very first lessons any parent learns." He glanced over at Johnny. "If you've learned that, even before you've had kids, you're ahead of the game." He paused for a moment, and then asked curiously, "D'you ever think about it? Having kids?"

Johnny shrugged. "I guess so. Someday, maybe."

Roy decided to be bold and press a little harder. "Have you and Jane ever talked about, y'know, children?"

John grinned lopsidedly and pointed his finger at Roy. "Now, now," he admonished. He looked out the window for a moment, and then added, "Things are going really good for Jane and me, and if, I dunno, we did get married at some point..." he trailed off, but Roy was satisfied. If his partner was going to 'settle down', it seemed more likely to be with Jane than anyone else he'd seen Johnny date. Which was nice for Roy, because he really liked Jane, and it would be difficult, to say the least, if he didn't get along with his partner's wife, whomever she might be.

* * *

><p>Back at the station, Captain Stanley had given out the day's assignments, and asked Roy and John to come into his office so he could tell them theirs because they had missed roll call. BEEP BOOP BRAAACK! The men immediately turned and walked back into the rig bay. "Squad 51, hostage taking, with injuries, Gardenview Primary School...Police advise non-code R."<p>

Cap took down the address, and started to hand the paper to his paramedics, when he saw that neither of them had moved. "Roy?"

Roy found his voice. It had a strange, otherworldly quality to it, like it wasn't really his. "Cap, that's my kids' school."

Johnny added, with that same strange voice, "And where Jane teaches."

Cap looked at his men with concern. "Can you take the call? Should I tell dispatch that you are not available?"

Both men sprang into action, Johnny taking the paper from Cap's hand, and racing to the squad passenger side door, and Roy opening the driver's side door. "NO!" he yelled, and then continued in a more controlled voice, "No, Cap. Now that we know, we _gotta_ go!"

Cap pursed his lips together and shook his head in worry and frustration. "Then go. And God speed." But Roy had already started the engine, and was rolling towards the garage door, which wasn't opening fast enough for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Ten minutes earlier:

The day had started normally enough at Gardenview School, and in Jane McKay's grade one class, they were talking about a new book she was going to read to them, Eric Carle's "A Very Hungry Caterpillar." After the book, they were going to go look for caterpillars in the field behind the school, and later, they would be making their own caterpillars from egg cartons and pipe cleaners. Jane was looking forward to seeing the children's excitement when they found the caterpillars and brought one back to class. She had already gone out that morning before school and located several in the field, and prepared a habitat in the class so they could watch what happened over time to the caterpillar. This was one of the reasons Jane loved teaching, to see young children's reactions to the natural world and its wonders.

The school secretary looked up from her attendance sheets where she was checking for absences and making her list for follow-up phone calls. She called to the man who had just entered the school, "May I help you?" She noticed that he was rocking on his feet somewhat, in an agitated manner. His hair was short and the same length all over, like it had been shaved and was growing back in, and his clothes didn't seem to fit quite right. She waited patiently and curiously for the man to respond to her.

After what seemed to be an internal struggle, he lunged towards her desk and put both his hands on it to steady himself. "Karen. My daughter. Grade One. I need to see her, now."

The secretary was taken aback, and said automatically, "The children are in class right now."

The man banged her desk with his fist, and raised his voice. "I said, NOW!"

The principal heard the commotion and came out of his office. He took in the situation at a glance and asked, "Can I help you? Why don't you come into my office?" Suddenly the man grabbed the front of the principal's shirt and slammed him up against the wall! The secretary screamed, and the man pulled out a gun from his pocket and pointed it in her direction.

"Shut up!" he said to her, and turned back to the man who was struggling to breathe with a fist against his windpipe. "I want to see my daughter. I am _going_ to see my daughter."

The principal fought against the man's hand, and managed to croak out, "Put that gun down," as he tried to manoeuvre the man away from the wall.

"D'you think I'm kidding?" With incredible force he pushed the principal into the glass door of the main entrance, and it cracked from the impact. The whole building shook with the reverberations, and several teachers peeked out of their classrooms. The principal slumped unconscious to the floor, and the secretary succumbed to hysterics on the floor beside her desk, shaking and crying uncontrollably.

The gym teacher, a tall, muscled black man who had formerly been a boxer, came running down the hall. "Hey! What's going on, man?" he called out. Without warning, the man fired. BANG! The gym teacher fell, his hand clutching his thigh. All the opened classroom doors closed, and desks scraped the floors as teachers tried desperately to gather their children and keep them safe.

In Jane's classroom, she gathered her children close to her desk, on the floor, and away from the door. "You must be very, very quiet, children. Someone is very upset, and he is hurting people. Stay here with me and be as quiet as mice."

"KAREN! KAREN!" the voice echoed in the hallways.

A little hand pulled on Jane's sleeve. She looked down into big brown eyes in an oval face framed by curls. "That's my daddy. He went to jail 'cause he hurt me and my mommy." The girl's lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to go with him. Please, Miss McKay!" Jane took a deep breath, and looked into the eyes of twenty terrified six year olds. She noted the window by her desk. It was the kind that opened inward on a slant, and could be used to slide the children outside. Since the windows were about five feet from the ground, she thought they could manage the drop without injury.

Very quietly and firmly she told her students, "I am going to lift you one by one out the window. When you hit the ground, run as fast as you can through the field, to the street on the other side of the school. Don't go near the front, do you understand me?" Most nodded. A couple of students started to sob quietly, and she put her fingers to her mouth. "You must be as quiet as you can. Every one of you. We all need you to do your best." She knew she wouldn't have much time, so immediately she started lifting the children and letting them drop to the ground. "Run!" she hissed as the first child stood there in fear. She pointed to the field, and he took off, as she lifted the next child out the window.

* * *

><p>Squad 51 pulled up beside the police cruiser parked off to the side of the school parking lot entrance. The two paramedics came and stood beside Vince. "What do you know?" Roy asked in a tight voice.<p>

"Neighbour called in that she heard a gunshot coming from the school. If you look in the front door, you can see two people on the ground in the entrance area. There may be a third person down, we don't know. We can't go any closer until we get backup, which should be any minute." The two men peered into the school, past the glass doors, trying to see inside. There was some blood smeared on the glass where the principal had hit and slid down. He was semi prone against one of the double doors. Beyond him, there was the gym teacher on the floor. Vince shook his head in anger and disgust. "Shooting and hostages. At a school. I can't believe it."

Roy started unloading their cases, desperately needing to be doing something. His children were in there with a shooter. '_C'mon, c'mon! I gotta get in there!' _he thought.

Johnny, who always had trouble standing still, was pacing back and forth, making his way closer to the entrance as if drawn by a magnet. Vince called him back. "You better stay here, John, 'til we get the word."

Another patrolman came running up to the three men. "What's up, Joe?" Vince asked.

"We just saw some kids running through the back field. Looks like some teachers are lifting 'em out the windows."

Roy and Johnny immediately grabbed their gear, and ran in a wide berth around to where Joe had seen the children. Sure enough, they could see two classrooms where teachers were lifting students out the windows. "That's Jane!" exclaimed Johnny, pointing at the second one from the end.

"That's where Jenny will be," added Roy. Just then another gunshot rang out, and the man inside yelled again for Karen. They all ducked instinctively, and then made their way in low running crouches towards the classroom windows, with Joe going to the other window where children were being lifted out.

John was the first to make it to the window. Jane's eyes became wide when she saw him, but she didn't say anything. He took the child hanging from her hands into his arms and then placed him on the ground. Roy encouraged the child to run where the others had gone – another squad had arrived and was taking care of those children who had already escaped.

Jenny saw her father from the window and involuntarily cried out in a high squeak of a voice, "Daddy!"

Roy grabbed his daughter from Jane's arms and pulled her into a strong hug, saying fervently, "Thank God!" and then told her to run.

She didn't want to leave him and started to argue. "But, Daddy..."

He just shook his head and pointed. "Go. I love you." She nodded and ran.

There were still several children in the classroom when Jane registered that Karen's father was starting to look in the classrooms for his daughter, from the occasional yell of "Karen!' and the sound of doors slamming. She helped Johnny climb into the room, and then without another word, she opened the classroom door and walked out.

"What is she doing!" Johnny gasped.

Roy looked stricken, but said, "John, we gotta save the kids."

"No," said Johnny softly and with suppressed agony, but he continued to hand the last few children out the window.

As soon as the last child was out, Roy said to John through the window, "I'm gonna get other teachers who haven't started to do this too. We gotta get all the kids away from here." A couple of paramedics from yet another station came running up in crouches to Roy and he directed them to other classroom windows. "Roy!" hissed Johnny from the room. Roy turned back to his partner. "I'm going out there." Johnny pointed to the closed classroom door. Roy nodded, and returned to the task of organizing the removal of the other children. You do what you have to do, and that's all there is.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

As John gently opened the classroom door, he heard Jane talking to the man with the gun. "Mr. Wilson, I'm Karen's teacher." Her hands were raised slightly in front of her, so he could see that she didn't have anything in them.

Wilson waved the gun in her direction, insisting, "I want my daughter." He seemed unstable on his feet, as if he were drunk. Then he noticed Johnny. "HEY! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Johnny froze and waited for the man to stop waving his weapon around. Calmly and slowly he replied, "I'm a paramedic. I'm not a policeman. I just want to help those people." Johnny nodded his head ever so slightly towards the entrance of the school. The man seemed to not really register what Johnny was saying and barely turned his head to look, keeping his eyes on Jane and Johnny.

Jane spoke again. "Mr Wilson, I know Karen is very important to you."

The man's words were a bit slurred. "She sure is."

Jane didn't dare move an inch. "When was the last time you spoke to her?" she asked conversationally. Johnny moved very slowly and carefully, his eyes focused on the man's gun, ready to leap in front of Jane if there was any sign that he might use it again.

Wilson drew a shaky breath. "I rung her. I sent letters...I told my wife she couldn't keep me from my kid...I just can't get through to her."

John stood up straighter now that he was in a position to protect Jane, and spoke gently to the man. "Hey, sounds like you tried just about everything you can think of...and that you're getting pretty desperate. Seeing your daughter really is important to you?"

Wilson became maudlin. "'Course it is."

"Maybe the most important thing to you right now?" prompted Johnny.

Wilson just nodded.

Jane caught Johnny's thinking and asked, "What kind of relationship do you want with her?"

Wilson looked confused at the question, and Johnny tried to clarify by adding, "Help us get what's going on, man. We want to understand."

As Wilson stood there, processing what they were asking, Jane interpreted, "Do you want Karen to feel safe with you or frightened of you?"

"She's my daughter! I love her! I would never hurt her!"

Johnny nodded slowly, and then asked, "Are you sure? I mean, some men think it's okay to hit their kids - it gets their feelings out, and after all, they're only kids..."

"I know I did things in the past that hurt her, but I'm done with that! I just want to see her! To talk to her!"

Johnny came a little closer to Wilson. "I hear you, man. Loud and clear. You don't want to hurt her."

Jane followed Johnny's lead, but didn't move any closer. She elaborated, "We understand you want to have a close relationship with Karen. But do you want her to see you because she loves you, or because she's afraid you'll hurt her or someone she cares about?"

Wilson lowered his gun and his shoulders slumped. "Because she loves me. Not because she thinks I'll hurt her."

Johnny moved closer still. "Y'know, some men think it's okay for kids to fear their dad - that it's even better than respect. I've seen it."

Jane gently added, "Are you okay with Karen seeing you because she fears you? Or would you rather that she wants to see you because she respects you and trusts you won't hurt her?"

Another classroom door opened, and Roy slowly and carefully walked into the hallway, his hands full of emergency equipment. This time, Wilson just looked at him, and the gun stayed down by his side.

Roy introduced himself. "My name is Roy. I'm a paramedic, and his partner." He pointed carefully with his head toward Johnny. "Can we go treat those people who are hurt?" Confusion crossed Wilson's face, and Johnny mouthed 'no' to Roy, and motioned him to put down the cases.

Jane redirected Wilson back to their conversation, "If I understand you, you don't want to hurt Karen. You want a relationship where she respects you and trusts you." He sighed deeply, nodding.

Johnny continued what Jane had said, "We get how important this is for you. But something is stopping you from doing what you want, and getting in the way of Karen feeling safe with you. That something is your violence, right?" He paused, and Wilson hung his head as if ashamed. Johnny then said, "I gotta respect your courage - facing your violence and wanting to change it. I think a lot of guys might do something outta fear right now."

Wilson looked at the gun in his hand, as if noticing it for the first time. Then he stood up straighter. "I'm not afraid. I can be a good dad." He placed the gun on his flat hand, and offered it to Johnny, who was standing closest to him.

As soon as the gun changed hands, Roy grabbed their cases and ran toward the front entrance, kneeling beside the injured gym teacher.

When the police saw Roy's dash they burst into the school and grabbed Wilson, pulling him into handcuffs. John gave the gun to the nearest patrolman, and raced over to get vitals on the principal.

Jane looked at Wilson in the eyes. "I will tell your daughter of your courage today in facing your violence, and that you want her to not be afraid. That you chose to let people be safe after all." His eyes seemed to glisten with unshed tears, and then he was gone, whisked away in the back of a police car.

A paramedic came up to Jane and led her outside to a squad, where he examined her as she sat on the tailgate. She barely responded to him. Instead she watched, through the doors of the entrance, as the man she was pretty sure was the love of her life worked to save someone's life.

She turned her head, and saw the other teachers streaming out of their classes to claim their students. She heard an ambulance siren, and voices talking out of walkie-talkies. She saw some children standing alone, and others locked in group hugs, or sitting on the ground. She saw mothers and fathers racing to find their children and hold them close.

She saw her principal, now conscious and with a bandaged head, being loaded onto a stretcher to go to the hospital, and her man Johnny going with him into an ambulance. She registered that the school secretary Kathleen was being helped by a paramedic she didn't recognise into the same ambulance, a blanket around her shoulders, her face ravaged by emotion. She saw Wayne, the gym teacher, be pushed past her on a stretcher headed to another ambulance, accompanied by Roy and another paramedic. She noted with detached surprise how pale Wayne's dark skin looked, and then fear swept over her in a wave of what it might mean...

Someone encouraged her to stand, placed her in a vehicle, and the door closed, but she didn't seem to be able to understand where she was going or with whom or why. From intense reality and emotion, something had switched off, and everything seemed unreal, and far away...Someone said the time, but she didn't believe it. Surely ages had passed; it couldn't have only been half an hour since she had begun talking about hungry caterpillars...it was still morning. It wasn't even recess time yet.

Then it hit her. Her children! Her class! Karen, and Jenny, and the others...where were they? She started to tell the driver to stop! Stop! She had to go take care of her kids! They were fine, she was reassured; someone was taking good care of them. Their parents were bringing them home. It was all okay.

Joanne DeSoto arrived at the school just as the last ambulance pulled away. Chris had found his little sister as soon as he could, and was comforting her. Joanne ran to them, and grabbed them both tight into her arms. "Daddy saved me, Mommy," said Jenny. "You're hurting me, Mommy, it's too tight!"

Joanne relaxed her grip a little and gave a small involuntary sob. "Is Daddy all right?" she asked fearfully.

Chris nodded, still clinging to his mother. "I saw Dad. He was helping our gym teacher." He looked into his mother's eyes with horror at what he had seen. "Mr. Wayne got shot, Mom. Some guy shot him."

"I know, dear, I know. If your dad's taking care of him, I'm sure things are going to be okay."


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

At the hospital, John and Roy were informed that they needed to go over to make their statements at the police station regarding what happened at the school as soon as they were free. The principal was on his way for head x-rays, and the gym teacher had been taken to surgery to have the bullet removed. Fortunately, according to Dr Brackett, "They both should be okay." The partners were relieved, and headed over to the police station.

The policeman who took Jane to the station was very cool towards her. He and all his colleagues were furious that she and the paramedics had taken it upon themselves to deal with Wilson. He didn't trust himself to say anything, so he said nothing at all. Let his superiors deal with these vigilantes. Maybe that was too strong a word, but these civilians had no right to mess with police work under any circumstances, and especially when someone was armed and dangerous.

* * *

><p>When John arrived at the station, he saw Jane sitting there looking rather lost. She looked up as he came in, and her eyes seemed to plead with him for help. He was very surprised by his reaction, because instead of going over to her and seeing if she was all right, he became instantly furious, and without any warning, started in on her. "What the <em>hell<em> were you thinking, Jane? Don't you realize the risk you took?"

"Whoa, there, Johnny," soothed Roy, but he was beyond reasoning. Jane had risen to her feet when she saw the paramedics arrive, but she stood there in shock when Johnny started berating her, unable to respond.

"You could have been killed!" he yelled, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her hard.

Jane tried to talk to him. "You too..." she started to say, but he cut her off.

"That man had a gun - and he had already shot someone - and you just walked out there to meet him!" He waved one of his arms as if to indicate the rashness of her actions.

One of the officers came over and redirected the three of them into a quiet room. "Calm down, Mr. Gage. We need you to calm down, now."

Roy tried too. "Johnny, it's all right. We're all okay. That's what matters."

Johnny stormed around the room, while Jane cowered beside Roy. "It is so _not_ all right, Roy! She's a school teacher!"

Jane recovered some of her spirit. "And you're a paramedic!' she retorted.

Johnny took it as a vindication of what he was saying. "That's right! That's right! And you're not! You have _no_ idea..." He seemed unable to continue, and the officer directed them all to sit down.

Jane looked at him, with her chin quivering slightly. "I have no idea that this is what you do every day. Is that what you were going to say?"

Roy interjected, "Jane, of course we don't do this every day. He's upset..."

Johnny regained his voice. "You bet I'm upset! It's the _stupidest_..." Again his emotions got the better of him.

Detective Russell came into the room, and took over from the officer, releasing him back into the station. "Mr. Gage, Mr. DeSoto. We need your version of the events that transpired this morning at Gardenview School. We've already spoken with Miss MacKay." He looked at Johnny directly. "But first I need you to keep your voice down, sir. It can be heard outside this room."

Johnny took a deep breath, and subsided into a chair. He looked at Jane's shocked face, and then covered his own face with his hands, trying to compose himself.

Roy apologized for his partner. "He's not like this, really." Russell just nodded, with his face impassive. It finally clicked with Roy that the attitudes of the officers and detective were rather cool towards him and his partner. "We're in trouble too, for going in there, aren't we?"

"What do you think, Mr DeSoto? What would you think under these circumstances if our positions were reversed?"

Johnny raised his head to look at both men and raised his eyebrows. He hadn't realized that he and Roy might be considered just as foolhardy as Jane. Roy answered slowly, "I'd be thinking that I'd like to throw the book at these clowns who nearly got themselves shot."

Russell sat down. "I'm glad that we understand each other." His tone said he would definitely consider charges if he had his way. Russell continued, "I need you to tell me everything you remember about the incident this morning. I am going to talk to you individually, and then I will meet with you again to see if there are any other points we need to go over. Miss MacKay, since you've completed your statement, would you please follow me?"

As Jane nodded and rose to go out with the detective, Johnny seemed to come out of his funk, but then he just glared at her, as if all this was somehow her fault. She looked at him with confusion, but when he didn't say anything, she left.

Roy and Johnny were left alone for only a moment, when Chuck, an officer they knew well, came in. "I must ask you not to discuss this case between yourselves until after we have your statements," he told them. He turned and went out again, not trusting himself to not rant at these men whom he knew and previously respected. It would take a while for that trust to rebuild.

They nodded that they understood, and then sat without talking for a while until John said, "Roy, I'm sorry 'bout that just before..."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to."

"Yeah, I know. I don't know what came over me."

Roy wryly looked at his friend. "I think I know what came over you..." but he wisely left it alone. As they waited for their turns to be interviewed, both men were lost in their thoughts. Roy couldn't help reliving over and over the moment when he took Jenny into his arms and told her to run, and the panic he felt when he couldn't see Chris at first in the crowd of children who had escaped from the school.

Soon John was taken by the detective to make his statement, and Roy felt it was a good opportunity to try and smooth things over with Jane. He found her signing some papers at the front desk and said without preamble as she looked up at him, "He's scared. I don't think he's ever been this scared his whole life."

"I don't understand."

"Because of you. Because of how he feels about you."

"Roy, this feeling of being scared? Because someone you care about may be in danger? This is what I live with all the time since I've started dating Johnny. But I know I have to accept it..."

Roy nodded. "Johnny's not always rational about things, and this is a new experience for him."

"How long do you think he'll stay angry?"

"I dunno. But you need to give him time, Jane." They walked away from the front desk, and towards the waiting area. They sat down on the hard orange plastic chairs.

"Is this normal for you? I mean, almost getting shot?"

"It doesn't happen all the time." Jane just looked at him, waiting, with a question in her eyes, and he finally added, "But it has happened."

"Getting shot at."

"Yeah."

"So, you could get burned..."

"Yeah."

"Or shot at, or fall, or be crushed..."

"What do you want me to tell you, Jane?"

"Just taking it all in. In my head I knew all this. But to see it happen - to experience the risks you take..."

"That's what upset Johnny so much - you taking such a risk." Jane opened her mouth to respond, but he held up his hand. "No, just listen for a minute. This _is_ our job, and we've been well trained for it. Granted, not every situation has been covered, but we've got the basics, like how to deal with situations that could go sour...incidentally, Jane, you did amazing with that. How did you know how to talk to that guy?"

Jane shrugged. "It seemed logical to me - if we could address his needs some way, maybe he wouldn't have to continue hurting people to get heard."

"You think he was trying to be heard?"

"Don't you? He'd just gotten out of jail, he's cut off from his wife and family - if anything he was probably lost and scared himself and didn't know any other way to deal with these feelings except through violence and anger..." her voice trailed off, and both of them knew she was now thinking about Johnny's angry reaction to her when he arrived at the police station.

Roy stopped her again. "Hey now, Jane, Johnny is _not _like that."

"Oh, I know that. It just hurt so much to have him attack me like that."

Roy explained, "When we're in a situation, there's no room for personal feelings. It's do what you gotta do, and you gotta be calm, you gotta be clear, 'cause lives are at stake."

Jane agreed, "And he was."

"Yes, he was. But I think what happened is when he got here and saw you, he realized what _could_ have gone down - it hit him, and it scared him, badly. And not knowing how to deal with it, it just all came out."

"As anger at me."

"I know it's not fair, and I think he knows it too."

"I sort of get it, Roy. I remember once I came home from school when we lived in France and no one was home - no notes, nothing. I waited alone for hours, wondering and worrying. I was a teenager in a strange country; I didn't know what might have happened to my family. Finally, late that evening, when I was feeling physically sick because I was so worried, my parents and sister showed up. Seems Sue had fallen in gym and broken her ankle. No one thought to let me know from the school, and my parents assumed that I had been told. I was beside myself. I knew it was really nobody's fault, but I lost it - much like Johnny just did with me." She sighed. "Okay, I get it. You can tell him I get it, and it's all right. Would you do that for me, Roy?"

He put his hand on her shoulder. "Of course. After all, I'm probably going to get something similar when I get home, 'cause for sure Joanne knows all about this."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

After they had made their statements and were free to go, Roy and Johnny made their way back to Station 51 in the squad. Roy looked at John out of the corner of his eye. Johnny hadn't spoken to Jane since he had lost his temper with her, and she left while he was giving his statement to the detective.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Roy asked.

Johnny gave a soft snort. "What's there to say?"

"I dunno, but it might help you work through it."

"Work through it?" Johnny looked out the window, his eyes narrowing, and then back at his friend. "I guess." He paused again, this time for a longer period. "I've - we've - been in some pretty tight situations."

"That's certainly true."

"Yeah. But this one...Jane, your kids..."

"I was terrified for Chris and Jenny."

"I know you were. I know you were. And I was too. I'm just mad at myself for losing it with Jane."

"You understand that it was a normal reaction under the circumstances, don't you?"

"I guess so. But Roy, it felt like I lost my mind back there."

"Being terrified can do that to you."

"I was so angry. So angry. I don't believe I've ever been that angry in my entire life."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

"Yeah, well, it's got me thinkin'."

"What?"

"About me and Jane."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe we're not such a good idea."

"What are you saying?"

"I learned something about myself today, Roy, and I don't like what I found out."

As Roy backed the squad into the bay, he said, "Keep talking." He shut off the engine.

"I don't think it would be wise to continue this relationship."

"Why not?"

"If I am capable of this, what else am I capable of? How different am I from Wilson, really?"

"C'mon Johnny, you can't compare yourself to a man who shoots people!"

"I don't see it, Roy. Not now. Not now I've seen what I can do."

"You yelled at her! That's all! You think I haven't yelled at Joanne or the kids? It happens when you care about people! It doesn't mean you're a bad person - it means you're human and you love..." He stopped talking abruptly as he saw Johnny's face when he said 'love'.

"If this is what happens when you love someone, I don't know if I can cut it." John got out of the squad and slammed his door.

Roy got out of the cab also, and came around the squad to talk to him. "Don't do anything you'll regret, Johnny."

"I already have."

"No, I mean, don't end something that's good because of one bad thing that happened..."

"It's a pretty big thing, Roy. 'Sides, I know Jane wants kids someday, and I don't think I can bring kids into a world where something like Wilson can happen at an elementary school."

"Johnny..."

"Just leave it, Roy, okay? Just leave it."

* * *

><p>Sure enough, as he predicted, when Roy got home from work, Joanne was barely able to talk to him, she was so emotional. One second she would hug him compulsively, and the next she would pull away. She was grateful that he had been able to take care of their children, but she was angry that he had been in such danger. She was relieved he was safe, but she was frustrated that he hadn't been able to come home after the incident. When she heard that the police were mad at him, she nearly lost it, justifying his responses as caring and professional one minute, and then saying that they were absolutely right and that he should be put on some sort of probation in the next.<p>

Wisely, with years of experience behind him, he let her rant, held her when she wanted to be held, and let go when she pushed him away. Finally, she was done, and came back to stand in front of him. "I love you, Roy DeSoto, with all my heart. You are my life. Don't you ever do something you don't have to do that might take you away from us."

He wrapped his arms around her, and as usual, had the last word: "Yes, dear."

* * *

><p>Johnny wasn't talking to Roy about Jane, because he knew that his partner would try to talk him out of ending it with her. Every time Roy would try to bring it up, John would change the subject or walk away. After a few days of this, Roy decided to ask Joanne what she thought. "What can I tell him, Jo?"<p>

"I don't think there's anything you can tell him, Roy. I think this is something he's got to figure out by himself."

"But it makes me so frustrated! I know they're good for each other. I had even started to hope that they might, y'know..."

"Yeah, I know." She smiled. "I had begun thinking about their wedding, and some suggestions I was going to give Jane..."

They both laughed self-consciously, and then sighed together. "If only they could have what we have," he mused.

"Ah, but that's impossible," Joanne cooed and snuggled into his arms. "After all, we grew up together."

* * *

><p>'A' shift had fallen asleep around 11 pm. John started making soft noises in his sleep, tossing and turning. Suddenly he started thrashing around and yelled, "NO! NO!" so loudly he woke up the rest of the men.<p>

"Wa - was'up?" slurred Chet.

"What's going on?" asked Marco.

"Everyone okay?" demanded Captain Stanley, flicking on the light. They all replied that they were.

But Roy was looking at Johnny's face with compassion. Johnny touched the wetness of it with surprise. He looked at Roy, and then rolled away onto his side.

Cap called out, "Can I turn off the light, now? Are we ready to go back to sleep?" A chorus of 'yep', and 'right, Cap' answered him.

As the light went out, Roy reached over and touched Johnny's arm. "What?" John asked.

"C'mon," Roy replied, and nodded towards the locker room. The two men got up and went into the washroom. "Wash your face, you'll feel better." Johnny obligingly splashed water onto his face, and looked at his partner in the mirror. Roy then said, "So, tell me about it."

"About what?"

"Your nightmare. And don't say you don't know what I'm talking about." Johnny took a deep breath, and went to sit on the bench in front of the lockers. Roy walked over and sat down beside him. "If you want to get back to sleep, you gotta talk about it. Otherwise it's just gonna go round and round in your head."

Johnny nodded, "Yeah, I guess." He paused, gathering himself together. "We were back at the school." Roy nodded. He'd had bad dreams himself about that as well, but he'd been able to talk about them with Joanne, and they seemed to be subsiding.

"What happened?"

"It was all just like it really happened, only this time, this time..." he couldn't continue.

Roy gently prodded him, "This time?"

"This time, Wilson shot her. Right in front of me. Blood everywhere, Roy. Pouring out of her, and I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop it..." he cleared his throat and looked away, trying to hide his anguish.

Roy let out a long breath and said, "I thought it was that."

Johnny gathered himself together, and said, "What? You thought what?"

Roy gave a small shrug. "It's pretty similar to what I've been dreaming about my kids. It's not the gym teacher on the floor, it's Chris..."

This time John nodded. "Yeah." He looked at their reflections in the mirror over the sinks. "Are we a couple of screw-ups now, Roy?"

"I don't think so. I think all of this was just too close to home. It wasn't just us in danger; it was people who are more important to us..."

Johnny finished his thought, "...than our own lives."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Guess that is nightmare worthy, huh?"

"I guess so."

"So, what d'we do?"

"I dunno, Johnny. But I do know talking about it helps. It's helped me. Maybe it will help you."

* * *

><p>After more than a week of not hearing from Johnny, his not answering the phone when he was off, or taking her calls at the station, Jane decided that she had to see him - it couldn't end like this; and if it had to end, then he needed to tell her face to face. She didn't know what she had done that was so terrible that he wouldn't talk to her anymore.<p>

It was making her feel a little crazy, so she called up Roy at the station, instead of Johnny. When he found out who it was, he took the call in Captain Stanley's office.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jane. He's not talking to me, either."

"I know I was stupid. Just like he said. I know it was dangerous. But I've gone over it and over it. If I had it to do again, I would still do the same thing. For the children."

"I hear you, Jane. I know the police probably wouldn't accept it, but like you, if I was there again, I can't see doing anything different than what we did." He paused and then added, "And you know what? I think we did pretty good. I'm still impressed by the way you and Johnny worked together and talked to that guy..." He could hear Jane's intake of breath.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Roy. I think we made a good team too. It was almost like we were able to anticipate what the other was thinking, and we both knew what we had to say in order to get Wilson to calm down." They were both silent for a moment, and then Jane added, "I miss him, Roy. I miss him like an open wound in my heart."

Roy couldn't think of what to say, and soon Jane continued, "I can't let him just walk away from us, without telling me why. I need to hear it, from him, and to my face. Do you know, Roy?"

Roy sighed. He knew why Johnny was cutting Jane out of his life, but he also felt that John should tell her himself. "I'll see what I can do about getting him to talk to you. But I can't promise anything."

"I know that, but I would be grateful for anything you can set up."

"Bye, Jane. I'll let you know."

* * *

><p>That evening, Gardenview Primary School had a team of psychologists come and talk to the children and parents of the school. They talked about normal reactions to unexpected events and what happens physiologically when people are in extremely fearful situations; heightened sensory awareness, increased adrenaline, fight or flight reactions. They talked about anxiety and gave pointers on when to look for help: if thoughts become intrusive, if behaviours become compulsive, if sensations become too distressful.<p>

Joanne and Roy attended the session. Several parents looked at him askance when he arrived, almost as if it had been his fault that someone had freaked out and become violent. Other parents wanted to talk to him, to touch him, treating him as if he was a star or something because he had saved their children. It was really uncomfortable for Roy, and he found it difficult to acknowledge their interest in him.

One of the team asked Roy to come up to the front and address the crowd. He didn't want to, but Joanne urged him to go. "It will help all of us to get over this easier if we have some answers, honey," she said softly as she pushed him forward. He took the microphone with trepidation.

"Have you spoken with the police?"

"Yes, yes, I have."

"What about our principal and gym teacher? Will they be able to come back to work soon?"

"I don't know. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to bounce back from these things."

"My son can't sleep at night - and neither can we, because he's so upset."

One of the psychologists took that one, "Perhaps we can talk after this meeting, and make some arrangements."

"Why did it take so long for someone to stop that madman?"

"It may have seemed like a long time, but it was actually only a few minutes. We often see when there is a crisis that time seems to go slower."

"How come you and your partner took over? Were the police not doing their jobs?"

"At no time were the police not doing their jobs, and we did not 'take over' - we were trying to get to the victims as soon as possible, and that was how things played out."

He had had enough, and told the crowd, "If you have any more questions, I encourage you to talk with these trained professionals here. Thank you." He left the room quickly, not even waiting to see if Joanne was following him.

"It was a good thing you did, Roy," Joanne said as she caught up with him in the parking lot.

He shook his head. "No, Joanne; that was not my job. I've done my part, and now it's up to them..." he nodded towards the school, "not me, to help the families." He got to the car, opened the door and sat down.

Joanne had to rap on the window for him to unlock the other door for her. "I'm sorry, Roy, I didn't realize," she said as she sat down.

"It's not your fault. I didn't realize either, until I was up there and it came to me that I can't fix anything for them. No matter what I say, I..." he paused, and she looked at him with concern. He started the car, and put it into drive, adding in a voice that indicated the subject was closed, "I need just as much fixing as any of them."


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

Captain Stanley kept an eye on his paramedics. He knew that something had gone wrong between Johnny and his girlfriend and that John wasn't sleeping well. He also saw that Roy had become withdrawn lately. He thought about it for awhile, and then decided to have a chat with them - not that their work was affected, but that he didn't want to wait until they were compromised in any way before dealing with things that could be adjusted more easily sooner rather than later.

"Hey, guys, come in here a minute, will you?" he called to John and Roy as the squad pulled in after a run.

"What's up, Cap?"

"Nothing, nothing. Thought I'd just like to have a little chat with you both. You know, see how things are going." He motioned for them to sit down in the chairs in his office.

Johnny stood in the doorway and raised his eyebrows knowingly. "You mean am I having any more bad dreams."

"Maybe. That too."

"Well, you can be easy, Cap, 'cause I'm sleeping just fine." He sat down reluctantly in the offered chair.

"Oh, I thought so."

"What is this really about, Cap?" asked Roy.

"Well, now, here's the thing. I've gotten a couple of phone calls recently."

"From who?" asked Roy.

"Your wife...and your girlfriend, John."

"I don't have a girlfriend right now, Cap. I'm not seeing anyone."

"Okay, then, your ex-girlfriend, if you want to play it that way."

"What did they call about?" Roy again led the questions.

"Pretty similar things. Seems the men they thought they knew have become rather distant and non-communicative lately."

Johnny looked at Roy with surprise, "You too?"

"Yeah, maybe."'

"When did that start?" demanded John, saving Cap from having to ask the question.

Roy shrugged. "There was this school thing the other night, with some therapists and such, and Joanne asked me to go up when they invited me, and there were some questions from the crowd about the...thing." He paused, and the other two men listened very closely. "Yeah, well, so, I got up, and answered a couple of people, and then I left."

"And?" pressed Cap.

"And nothing. That's it, that's all."

Cap nodded and then asked, "You didn't say something about needing fixing as much as anyone else?"

Roy was caught, and winced. Johnny was taken aback; "Roy, man, I thought..."

"You thought what, Johnny? That I'm some sort of superman who's never affected by this stuff? I told you 'bout my nightmares..."

Cap's ears picked up, "You're having nightmares too, Roy?"

"Not so much now, 'cause I've kinda talked them out with Joanne, but yeah."

Johnny blew out his breath in a soft whoosh. "I'm sorry, Roy. I've been so caught up in my own head, and, yeah, I did think you were better than the average Joe...I thought...I don't know what I thought." He chewed gently on his bottom lip, assimilating this new view of his friend.

"There's the question of your ex-girlfriend, John," insisted Cap. John looked at him quizzically. "I want an honest answer now. Would you still be dating Jane if this thing hadn't happened?"

John considered for a moment, and then said with a sigh, "Yeah, prob'ly. Yeah, I would."

"Right. Here's what I think. This event, this thing, well, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't let either of you respond to it." As both Roy and Johnny opened their mouths to speak, he held up his hand. "It doesn't matter, 'cause it's a moot point. You did respond, and you were right in the thick of it, with people at risk who are very important to you. We can't change that. However..." he pointed his finger at both of them in turn, "…however, when it affects your private lives to this level, it will, I'm not saying it has, but it will at some point, affect your work."

"You putting us on leave, Cap?"

"No, not yet. BUT - I am ordering you both…" again he waved his finger in their faces, "to talk to Joanne and Jane. Talk, and listen. And then listen and talk some more." Johnny opened his mouth again, but before he could say something, Cap shook his head and said, "I don't care if you aren't seeing her anymore, or whatever. You need this and so does she. You owe it to her _and_ to yourself. So that's my final word. I want you to report to me that you have both had at least one long conversation regarding this situation with these women before I see you again next shift. You may go."

The partners stood, and left. At first Hank pretended to be writing on some papers, but as soon as they were out the door, he pushed his chair back and watched them make their way across the bay and towards the dorm. Then he rested his chin on his hands, with his elbows on his desk, and pursed his lips together, sighing. He hoped that this intervention worked, for everyone's sakes.

"So, Roy..."

"Yeah?"

"When you gonna talk to Joanne?"

Roy shrugged, "Before next shift, I guess. I don't really have much choice, do I?"

"Say, uh, how would you, um, feel about, uh..."

"C'mon, Johnny, just ask."

"Right. Could Jane and I be there? Like, talk with you and Joanne, I mean, at the same time?"

"I'm not sure if that's what Cap had in mind, Johnny."

"Yeah, I know that. It's just that I can't..."

Roy sighed. "It's been too long since you spoke to Jane and you're hoping that having me and Joanne there will make it easier."

Johnny nodded in relief that Roy understood, and then asked anxiously, "So, what d'you say?"

"It's fine with me. I'll check with Joanne, and let you know."

"Thanks, Roy, you're a real pal."

* * *

><p>Joanne was pleased with the idea of Johnny and Jane coming over and talking with her and Roy, and very relieved that something was finally going to happen. So they arranged that their next free evening, after the kids were in bed, say around 8 pm, they would all meet at the DeSoto's.<p>

The doorbell rang just before eight, and Jane was invited into the house. An angelic little face framed by blond ringlets peeked over the stair banister. "Is that teacher, Mommy?"

"Yes, it is, and you're supposed to be in bed, sweetheart."

Jenny ran down the stairs to hug Jane. "Can Miss McKay come see my room and tuck me in, please, please, please?" Joanne smiled and nodded, and Jenny grabbed Jane's hand and led her upstairs.

Chris poked his head out his bedroom door, and Joanne told him to stay inside his room. The doorbell rang again, and there was John, very nervous, on the doorstep. "Oh, Johnny, come in, come in. You practically live here; what are you doing standing on the step?" said Joanne.

"Hey! Uncle Johnny!" Chris called from upstairs, "Can I show you what I made at Cub Scouts?"

Johnny grinned and replied, "Only if it's okay with your folks, Chris." Without waiting for a reply from his mom or dad, Chris bounded down the stairs, holding a model car. "Very nice, Chris, very nice. Why'd you choose those colors for the side panels?"

Roy came out of the kitchen, smiling and watching his son and his friend discuss the finer points of axles and the merits of plastic over wood.

Soon Jane came down the stairs, talking with Joanne about Jenny's room. "It's so...girly. So many frills on things. So much pink. How do you stand it?"

Joanne laughed. "I know what you mean. But it's not me; it's Roy who lets her choose that stuff. Daddy's little princess." She looked at her husband with loving exasperation.

"I've never been a little girl," Roy complained, "how do I know what's appropriate and what's not?"

They laughed, and the awkwardness of having John and Jane meet after not speaking for so long was somewhat lessened. Roy sent Chris off to bed again, and gave him strict orders not to come downstairs anymore that night. Joanne ignored Jane and Johnny's unease and spoke to both of them as if nothing was changed. "We thought we'd go into the family room; it's cosier in there. Please excuse the mess." She picked up odds and ends of clothing and toys as she led them into the room, and stuffed them into a laundry basket. Roy followed after Johnny, and smiled reassuringly at his partner as he herded him in behind Jane.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

"I'll call this meeting to order, shall I?" asked Joanne once everyone was seated.

Roy waved in her direction. "Go ahead, Madam PTA President."

Joanne nodded, and became serious. "So, some weeks ago, we were all affected by a terrible thing." She looked at her husband first, and then at Johnny and Jane, who were sitting near each other, but not side by side.

Johnny had taken the easy chair, and Jane was on the end of the sofa. Joanne had pulled the rocking chair into the middle of the room on the other side of the coffee table. Roy was on the other end of the sofa, but they could all see each other clearly.

Joanne took a deep breath, and continued, "A man with mental health issues and a history of violence brought a gun to the school our children attend and you teach at, Jane. He hurt our principal, Mr. Melville, and shot our gym teacher, Mr. Wayne. He threatened to hurt other people, and tried to take a young child against her will. Have I covered all the main points?" The others nodded.

"Okay. As a result of this, you, Roy, and you, Johnny, were called to assist the victims. You, Jane, tried to get the children in your class, including our daughter, away from the school and to safety." They nodded again. "Then all of you talked to this man, and he gave himself up to the police. After that, you treated the victims." She nodded toward her husband and his partner.

She bit her lip, and then said, "You all realize that I was the only one in this room who was not there that day until it was all over? You three were the key players. I don't know what happened except for what Roy and other parents told me, and what was on the news." No one else spoke.

After a moment, she sighed, and then went on. "This is what I understand happened next. Johnny stopped speaking to Jane. Roy had bad dreams and then stopped talking to me. Jane, I don't know what happened with you. Maybe this would be a good time for you to say something about that."

Jane looked at the others, and tried to get her thoughts together. "When you say it all like that, Joanne, it sounds like some sort of, I don't know, thing that couldn't have really happened. When I was in it, all I could think about was keeping the children safe. Then when we..." she glanced over at Johnny quickly, but he had his head bowed, just listening,"…we were talking to Mr Wilson, I was aware that here was a man in great pain, and maybe, just maybe, he didn't really want to do the things he was doing...and it seemed that perhaps Johnny was thinking the same thing, because we were talking and it was like we were almost one person, not two, saying those things..."

Johnny looked up at her and made eye contact with her for the first time since the incident. Jane stopped talking, and after a moment both of them broke contact and looked away, embarrassed.

Roy came into the conversation. "I saw the way you two were getting Wilson to be calm, and getting him to give up his gun, and I was really impressed. At that point I wasn't needed; in fact I almost was a liability. I could have thrown things off, if I hadn't followed Johnny's lead."

Johnny looked at Roy and said quietly, "Thanks."

Roy shook his head, "No, thank you, Johnny. You were right in there. You both were. I honestly don't believe that any trained policeman could have done better than you two did." He started to become more animated, and continued, "I've thought about it again and again, and I think we all did the best we could under the circumstances, and..." his voice got a bit louder, "I think we did the best _anybody_ could have done under the circumstances." He sat back in his seat, a bit nonplussed by his own reaction.

Johnny cleared his throat and said, "I think we're all agreed that it was because of the children we did what we did."

"No question. Yes, you're right. That's true," the three other voices overlapped.

John turned toward Jane. "I owe you an explanation."

"Yes, you do," she replied.

"What I said just now? Because of the children? Well, that's what stopped me talking to you, Jane." The two women looked confused, and Johnny straightened up in his chair, getting ready to explain in more detail. "I saw what happened when you were in danger - I mean, not when you were in it, but afterwards, when I saw you at the police station – how I really lost it."

Jane gave a minute nod of her head, and said softly, "It was understandable."

"I don't care if you understand it, I care that I did it. I don't want to treat you like that. Or anyone, for that matter. It was wrong. And I know that you want to have children someday..."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that if we did end up, sometime, you know, maybe, get married or whatever, you'd prob'ly want to have kids."

"Yes..." she said in a small voice, "I love kids. You know that."

He nodded, "I kinda got that from you bein' a teacher and all. And we'd sort of, not really, talked a bit..."

"Oh, for goodness sakes, Johnny!" interrupted Joanne, "Can't you say it straight out?" Roy raised his eyebrows at her, and she subsided. "Sorry. Go on."

"Okay, straight out? I don't think I would be a good dad or husband based on what I saw in myself the other day. And...and I don't even know if I believe it's a good idea to have kids in this crazy world. There. That's it. Straight enough for you, Joanne?"

Jane bit her lip, trying not to get emotional, but all her hopes, her dreams were shot down by his words.

Joanne was so frustrated, that she stood up. "Seriously, Johnny? That's what you think? Boy, have you got a lot to learn."

As usual, Roy tried to act as peacemaker. "Joanne, what he means is..."

"I know what he means, Roy! I heard him just as well as you did! But let me tell you a thing or two, John Gage!" She grabbed the back of her chair and leaned on it, as if it were a shield and she was a warrior maiden heading into battle. "I hear a lot of talk these days about how awful it is to bring children into this crazy messed up world, and even how selfish we are to have kids and put a strain on the planet with overpopulation and all that, but I don't believe any of that!"

She came around in front of Johnny and knelt on the carpet before him. "Look at me, Johnny." He looked into her face. "You've known me as long as you've known my husband. We're a team too. I'm going to tell you about our family."

Johnny grinned crookedly, despite himself, at Joanne's passionate speech. "Okay, I'm listening, but couldn't you sit down?"

They all chuckled, and Joanne pulled up the rocking chair to within inches of his knees. "Fine. I'm sitting. Do you know why Roy and I had kids?"

Johnny looked a little uncomfortable, and a bit embarrassed. "Uh, no..."

"Because we believe that the world is a better place when two people who love each other have children, instead of leaving it only to those who only do it by accident. We know that the world is nicer, happier and more optimistic because Chris and Jenny are alive in it. I don't expect either of them to solve world hunger, or stop gun violence or anything like that, but you know what? They just might - who am I to say? What I do know is their laughter, their learning, their promise of becoming good upstanding adults - that makes a difference. And I am so honoured to be their mother. It is a privilege..." she stopped as her emotions got the best of her. Roy reached out and put his hand on her leg, and she took it and squeezed it with her own.

Roy then spoke. "I couldn't have said it better, Joanne, and I agree with every word." He looked at his partner, "And I saw you with Chris earlier tonight - in your heart, I think you agree too."

Johnny put his hand over his mouth as if wiping away something. He didn't speak. Jane felt a tear fall unbidden from her eye, and surreptitiously wiped it away. She held her breath, as if her future was hanging from John's next words. He took a deep breath, and finally said, "Yeah, I can see that."

"See what, Johnny?" Jane asked apprehensively.

"I see what you're all saying. Having kids can be a good thing."

"Yeah..." said Roy. They waited to see if there was more from him.

"If the right people do it. The right people being those who know how to love their kids."

"Uh..."

"No, John, that's not quite right," said Jane.

"Huh?" asked Johnny.

"As a child, Beethoven was forced to play the piano even while he cried, because his alcoholic father wanted to make money from his child prodigy like Mozart's father had."

"Uh, sorry, I don't get what that has got to do with this."

"Because even though, by our standards, Beethoven's father was not a good dad, if he hadn't had his son, the world would have missed out on the Moonlight Sonata, Fur Elise, and the Fifth Symphony. We can't judge what a child may bring that is beautiful and bright based on their parents."

"So, you're saying..."

"I'm saying that no one has perfect parents, but most people try to do their best. And that's enough for children to grow and become whatever their potential may be, and perhaps write beautiful music, or be a good paramedic or teacher or parent themselves one day..."

Joanne smiled approvingly at Jane. "Well said, Jane." She turned to Johnny. "Do you get it now?"

Roy grinned. "You'd better give 'em something back here, Johnny."

"What about Wilson?"

"What about him?" exclaimed Joanne, "We don't know all the reasons why he did what he did, but we know that he's one in a million, maybe more, who had something wrong in his head, and maybe it was due to bad parenting, and maybe it had gone on for generations, who knows? You can choose, Johnny, to be a better person, a better paramedic, a better fireman..."

"A better dad," said Roy. Johnny gave him an 'et tu, Brute?' look and Roy just shrugged. "Well, personally I think you'd make a great dad. I think I know you pretty well. My kids think you would, anyway."

"We're not trying to get you into something, Johnny. We just don't feel that the way you've been the last few weeks is what you really want or who you really are," added Joanne.

"Did you guys plan this out before hand?" he asked suspiciously.

"No," Joanne laughed, "This is all happening here and now. But look at how different we feel about things, because we've talked about them. This man Wilson isn't the ogre under the bridge ready to eat us anymore - instead we see him more clearly as a man, with major issues, who has affected our lives for a moment. Let's not give him the rest of our lives as well, okay?"

After a moment's reflection, John said to his friend, "Y'know, Roy, you married a pretty smart cookie."

"Yep. I know. And you were - are? - dating one too."

Johnny turned to look at Jane, so sheepishly that she chuckled, but she wasn't going to make it easy for him. "Yes?" she asked with her eyebrows raised and a half smile.

"So, um..."

Roy and Joanne looked at each other and quickly excused themselves from the room.

In the kitchen they both succumbed to the laughter that bubbled up from their bellies. It was probably more due to the relief from the stress of the past while than anything else, but it sure felt good.

After what they felt was a decent interval, Roy and Joanne came back to the family room. "Can we come in?" Roy asked.

"Your house – you do what you want!" called Johnny from the sofa, where he had his arm around Jane.

"Now that's what I like to see," said Joanne, "It's about time." Jane smiled and raised her eyebrows at her friend. "I mean, uh…"

Johnny grinned, "It's okay, Joanne. I'm cool."

Jane said, "I'd like to add something to our previous conversation, if you don't mind."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Well, we were all talking before about how it was because of the children that all this happened. I'd like to share something about why I did what I did."

"Yeah, I'd like to hear that," said John, serious once again.

"Before you arrived, after Wilson started shooting and calling for his daughter, Karen said something to me." Jane became very grave. "She said, 'My daddy hurt me and my mommy, that's why he was in jail. I don't want to go with him.'" She paused because it was very hard emotionally for her to say the next part; "She said, 'Please, Miss MacKay.'" Again her feelings threatened to overcome her, but she continued, "I don't know what that little girl has had to live through in her six short years, but I imagine it would give all of us nightmares. She knew it was because of what her father had done to her that he was in jail. What pain and betrayal has she experienced?" The others listened attentively.

She turned her face to look Johnny in the eyes. "That's why I had to go out there. She begged me to help her. I had to do whatever I could." Her chin quivered. "I can't take her home and protect her from the violence and insecurity of her life. But oh, I so want to!"

John gently squeezed the shoulder that lay underneath his hand, and she leaned her head towards him. He said, "Sometimes, we get a run, and it involves a child who's hurt. Those are always the worst for me. I know what you mean, Jane, you just have to do whatever you can for them, even if you know it will never be enough."

"I guess that's something we all share," added Roy.

"Sometimes I wonder what kind of mother I would be – I feel like such a lioness about protecting the kids I teach, and they aren't even my flesh and blood!"

"I think that you will make a great mother one day, Jane," stated Joanne.

Johnny removed his arm from around Jane's shoulder. "Oookay… Uh, Roy, you got anything to drink in the fridge?" he asked as he started to rise.

Roy nodded and the two men left, with Joanne calling, "Chicken!" after Johnny.

"Hoo, yeah!" he said to Roy.


	8. Chapter 8

For the Children part 8

At first Joanne thought that Chris' short temper and poor sleeping habits were due to his dealing with the shooting incident that had happened with the school. He had been one of the few children who had actually seen his gym teacher lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. He hadn't spoken to her about any of his nightmares, but she assumed he must be having them, since the rest of the family certainly was having bad dreams.

Then the notices started coming home from school; fighting at recess, swearing at the teacher, trashing his locker. When the notices first started coming home, Roy brushed them off and told Joanne not to worry too much, that things would sort themselves out soon. Still, he sat down with Chris and explained what had happened with Wilson and with his principal and teacher in terms that he felt Chris could understand. Chris seemed frustrated with his father, as if Roy was treating him like he was slow or something with his explanations, and was sullen and unresponsive.

Roy was at a loss and spoke with Joanne that evening when both children were in bed. "I don't know, Joanne. Maybe he needs to talk with one of those counsellors who came to the school or something. You're right, he isn't the same kid." He shook his head and sighed as he sat on their bed.

"I'm glad to hear you finally admitting that he's different, Roy. I've been trying to get you to see it for a while now." Joanne finished hanging up the freshly ironed shirts in their closet and closed the door.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I guess it was wishful thinking on my part."

She came and sat down beside him on the bed. "Well, you haven't been the one answering the phone with dread every time it rings lately. Honestly, sometimes I think I want to take it off the hook when he's at school, and just deal with things after he gets home." She sighed despondently. "Where did my happy little boy go, Roy? How do we get him back?"

"I wish I knew, sweetheart. That's a question I'd really like to answer."

* * *

><p>When the tones rang, Roy and John pushed back their chairs from the table and headed for the squad. Another aborted lunch, but that's just the way the grilled cheese melted…<p>

"Squad 51, child injured, Gardenview Primary School…"

Johnny swore softly to himself. He really, really did not want to go back to the school, and he hated runs where children were hurt. He scrunched up his face, and Roy responded, "Yeah, I know."

"I just wish, Roy…" Johnny didn't finish his thought, but Roy nodded in comprehension anyway.

When they got to the school, they grabbed their cases and headed into the office area. Kathleen was standing beside her desk waiting for them. Gone was her usual cheerful smile; instead she looked discouraged and sad. Roy wondered if it was part of the aftermath of Wilson's work. She had never been fragile before, but now she seemed as brittle as fine china teetering on the edge of a table. "Roy. John. We're grateful you came. Mr Meredith would like to speak with you."

The principal had just exited a classroom and was walking quickly towards them. He seemed agitated, and drew them aside into a storage area to brief them privately.  
>"We have a situation." His jaw worked a bit, as if he was chewing up his words before spitting them out. "The boy isn't injured, per se." He was breathing heavily and seemed to be choosing what to say.<p>

"What's going on, Mr Meredith?" asked Roy.

"Kyle. You know Kyle Raines? Nine years old? I think he's in the same cub pack as your son."

"Yeah, I know Kyle. Pretty well, actually. I've been on campouts with the pack a few times. Is Kyle hurt?"

"He's…uh…" the principal closed his eyes for a second and then opened them, saying very quickly, "He's standing on the teacher's desk with the blind cord wrapped around his neck, saying that he's going to jump off."

Johnny drew in his breath sharply, and Roy looked stunned. Meredith continued, "Mrs Harlin is in with him now, and we've been trying to find out what on earth is going on." He paused and then asked, "You guys deal with suicide attempts, don't you?"

Roy swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. "Yeah, we do. But it's not usually someone we know."

Johnny added, "And rarely a kid."

Meredith nodded, and motioned for the two men to follow him down the hall to the classroom. "D'you think this is somehow related to the shooting, sir?" asked John.

"I have no idea. My God, what is going on with these poor children?" The beleaguered principal's cry came from his heart.

"Where's the rest of his class?" asked Roy.

"We didn't let them back in after lunch – Mrs Gumby has taken them to the art room for an impromptu lesson. It's the best we could do under the circumstances."

They entered the classroom, and there was Kyle – sure enough, the cord was not only around his neck several times, but he had tied it taut. If he jumped off the desk like he was threatening to do, at the very least it would seriously injure his trachea, and might damage his spinal cord.

Mrs Harlin looked at the men beseechingly. "I've been talking with Kyle. He says this is the only way he knows to stop the pain inside of him. I've asked him to wait and talk to you, to see if there was anything you could suggest to help him. Please, help him." Her plea was quietly desperate.

Roy gently put the med box he was carrying on the floor. He looked at the boy, and tried to make eye contact with him, "Hey, Kyle, remember me? I'm Roy Desoto, Chris' dad. We went camping, remember?"

Kyle looked at Roy, briefly, his young eyes seemingly aged well beyond his years. Roy recognized that look because he'd seen it before, in suicidal people who actively tried taking their lives. It was the look of utter despair. "Hello, Mr DeSoto. Please tell my mom I'm real sorry," Kyle said in a whisper.

'Hold on there, Kyle, there's no reason for me to tell your mom anything like that. Why don't you untie that thing and come on down off there and we can talk, hmm?"

Kyle shook his head as much as he could in his restricted state. His lower lip trembled. "I can't, sir. It just hurts too much."

Roy closed his eyes briefly, praying for inspiration on what to say to this child. He chose his words very carefully. "Don't you think your mom deserves to understand why you're doing this?"

A fat tear fell from the boy's eye and rolled down his cheek. "I guess."

Johnny had set up the biophone and the other equipment on a desk near the door, but he hadn't called in. Things could go either way right now, and he wasn't going to risk precipitating anything with an action that might incite the child to carry out his threat. Mr Meredith and Mrs Harlin backed slowly out of the room, to give the men room to work. Meredith asked Johnny briefly as he left, "Ambulance?" and John gave a small nod.

Roy continued, "We don't understand what you're thinking right now, so we can't tell your mom why you're sorry. Can you help us, Kyle?" When he gave a small shake of his head, Roy asked, "Why not?" and Kyle just shrugged.

Johnny casually made his way around to the other side of the desk, as if he was going to look out the window. Kyle threw him a panicked glance, but Roy distracted him. "Kyle, I remember you really like cooking spider dogs over the fire. Do you remember making them with me?"

Kyle looked at the paramedic with anguish. "I know you want to help, Mr Desoto, but no one can help me."

"I'd still like to try, Kyle. Why can't you tell me?"

Kyle sighed deeply, and then said something Roy almost didn't catch, and didn't really believe he heard right…"Ask your son. He knows."

Before Roy could reply or ask him to repeat, Kyle made a move to jump off the table. Johnny was behind him and grabbed his legs so he couldn't fall, and Roy reached up to cut the blind cords with his scissors, as Kyle struggled with the two men. He collapsed in tears, as Roy cradled him in his arms, with John still holding onto his legs with one arm while loosening the cord around his neck with the other. "It's okay, Kyle, it's okay. Hang in there, sport. We're going to help you out," Roy's words were a soothing background noise as Johnny worked on getting vital signs now that the boy was not in such an extreme state.

"Rampart, we have a young boy, age 9…"

* * *

><p>"Did he say anything in the ambulance, Roy?" John asked as they were filling in forms regarding the incident. The police had contacted the boy's mother and she was being brought in to the hospital.<p>

Roy shook his head. "Not a word except 'sorry' over and over." Roy closed his eyes involuntarily, his face grim. He opened his eyes again and looked at his partner. "Did you hear him say for me to ask Chris just before he jumped, or was that my imagination?"

Johnny pursed his lips together and shook his head slightly. "But I was pretty concentrated on catching him before he could fall. Um, sorry Roy, but I gotta ask – what the heck is a spider dog?" Roy smiled at bit at John's obvious confusion, but he felt no temptation to tease his partner. "It's just a hotdog cut into 4 sections halfway and cooked over a campfire – the pieces curl away, like spider legs. Kids love them."

Mrs Raines arrived just then, and Dixie met her outside the treatment room. She told the woman that a doctor would be out as soon as possible to give her an update on her son. Mrs Raines stood biting her fingers and pacing in small circles until she noticed Roy standing over by the nurse's station. She practically ran over to him. "Roy! Roy DeSoto!" He looked up from his form. "Was it you? Did you bring him in?" she demanded.

"Yes, it was, Sophie."

"Oh, my God! I can't believe it! What was he doing? How is he? What on earth was he thinking?"

"The doctors will be able to answer your questions better than I can."

Sophie wasn't even looking at him. "I should have realized something was up. He's been strange for a while now. Loss of appetite, really moody, not sleeping at night – sometimes I go into his room and I can tell he hasn't closed his eyes a wink the whole night – he's so crabby and angry all the time…I thought it was something to do with this thing that happened, but now I'm not so sure. I think it started even before that Wilson shot up the school; there were things I should have paid attention to…." It was as if the two men weren't even there while Sophie was trying figure things out aloud. "…I started getting those phone calls from the school about Kyle fighting. He never fights!"

Roy felt a little dizzy listening to Sophie's rant….pieces of a puzzle he didn't even know existed seemed to be falling into place. "Uh, Sophie? What else has been going on with Kyle?" He needed to know _everything_ – what was the link to Chris and his similar behaviours? Could his son end up threatening to jump off a desk with a cord around his neck too?

She looked at him without recognition for a second; then it clicked where she was and who she was talking to. "Roy. Sorry. I forgot that you know my son. After all, you've been helping out the cub leaders for a couple of years and you've been on several camping trips with the boys, haven't you?"

Johnny was very interested in the conversation, and his eyes were getting wider as he watched his friend become more agitated at Sophie's revelations about her son. Hadn't Roy mentioned just the other day that Chris was having problems at school and starting to be very irritable at home? What on earth was going on?

Dr Brackett came out of the treatment room. "Are you Kyle's mother?" he asked Sophie directly, and she nodded emphatically.

"Please Doctor, tell me, how is my son?" Kelly gave the paramedics a look that said, 'don't go away' and brought Sophie a little bit aside to talk with her more privately. Roy started to follow automatically, but John touched his arm, and when he turned and looked at Johnny without comprehension, John just shook his head very slightly in surprise that Roy would need reminding. Roy startled when he remembered that he had no right to intrude on Brackett's conversation with the woman. He turned away in frustration at himself and at the situation.

They could overhear Sophie telling Brackett, "Just ask that paramedic over there; he knows my son! He brought him in. Our kids know each other. There's something else going on, doctor, I just know it!"

Brackett motioned for Roy to come over. As much as he had wanted to overhear the conversation, Roy wasn't sure he wanted to be asked any questions. There was too much going on in his head right now. "Kyle's mother says that you know her son pretty well." Roy gave a noncommittal shrug that turned into a partial nod. "Is Kyle's behaviour today something that you would expect, based on your interactions with him?"

Roy shook his head no. "The last time I saw Kyle…" he stopped and thought about it. When was the last time? It was the overnight hiking trip about three months previously, just before the Wilson thing. The last time he had seen Kyle was coming back from a clean up at the river. Was he alone? No, an adult was with him. He remembered the adult putting his hand on the boy's shoulder and smiling at him…it was another one of the fathers on the trip, who often took care of kids whose parents couldn't or wouldn't come on activities. Kyle's dad was often away on business trips and never came on these kinds of things.

Roy looked at Sophie. "I saw him on the hiking trip with Billy Abel, they'd just come back from the river."

Sophie nodded, "Yes, Billy has been like a second father to Kyle, since his own father can't be bothered to spend time with his son. He brings him and his own son to all the activities, and Kyle often stays over at their house."

Roy thought about that. His son had also been to sleepovers at the Abel house, usually when he was working and unable to bring Chris back and forth to an activity. Billy Abel seemed like a good guy – always looking out for the boys and suggesting games and activities to the pack leaders, always ready to pitch in and help out when an extra adult was needed.

"Squad 51, what is your status?" John motioned the HT towards his senior, with a question in his eyes, and Roy nodded very briefly.

John replied, "Squad 51, available," and Roy apologized to Brackett and Mrs Raines.

"That's all I can tell you for now, but if I think of something, I'll let you know," Roy said. The two men left to answer the call from Dispatch.


	9. Chapter 9

For the Children part 9

It was a domestic violence situation. They could hear people yelling and children crying as they pulled up to the curb. Vince was already there, trying to calm down the tenants of the apartment. "What's going on?" John asked Vince, but they both had to duck as a woman who was bleeding from cuts on her arms picked up a dish from the cupboard and deliberately threw it with all her might. Smash!

Roy grabbed the crying infant sitting in the high chair out of harm's way from the flying pieces of china, and John picked up the two year old who was sitting on the kitchen floor screeching "NO! NO! NO!" over and over. With the children in their arms, the paramedics couldn't take care of the woman.

A man they could only assume was her husband came back into the room just then, yelling at her about the paramedics and the police. The woman picked up several plates at once, and threw them at his head, causing all the men to duck. Vince called in for back up. John called to Roy over the sound of the yelling and shattering dishes, "We gotta find a safe place for these kids!"

Roy nodded, "Gotta be a crib or something around, you find it."

Johnny kicked open a bedroom door that was already ajar, and found a crib, so he called out to Roy. After Roy placed the baby on the mattress, John looked at him with his eyebrows raised. The toddler was clinging tightly to his neck, his face buried in Johnny's shoulder. "Stay here 'til we get this sorted or someone arrives who can take over," Roy answered Johnny's unspoken question. So John waited with the terrified two year old, and tried to comfort the crying baby at the same time, while Roy re-entered the fray in the kitchen with Vince.

What a relief it was when the sirens from the back up police squad were heard. As soon as he saw the patrolman in the doorway, Johnny handed off the child in his arms, and got himself to the kitchen where the real action was taking place. Broken glass and dishware littered the floor. Both the husband and wife were blossoming with bruises on the areas of their bodies that were visible. They were still in such a state of heightened adrenaline that their injuries weren't sinking in yet, and the woman kept trying to get swipes in at her husband, despite the best efforts of the men in the room to keep them apart. It reminded Johnny of a couple he and Roy had treated who had beaten each other to the point of needing surgery – all in the name of improving communication through 'fair fighting'. There was nothing 'fair' going on here; that was clear. And the children complicated matters – he hoped that social services would be taking them somewhere safe as soon as possible.

Roy had been in discussion with Rampart, and it was decided that for now the couple's wounds only needed to be treated superficially rather than at the hospital. Vince was just itching to get them to the police station and file several charges against them, including assault, disturbing the peace, endangering minor children…he'd probably have a few more by the time they arrived at their destination.

Roy and Johnny were very grateful when they were relieved of their responsibilities with the Jones family, for that was their name. In the squad the two men took a moment to compose themselves before letting Dispatch know they were available and starting the engine. Johnny stretched his neck, twisting it from side to side to get the kinks out after holding the children in his arms for so long, and said, "Keeping up the Jones'," in an exhausted voice. Roy looked at his friend with an involuntary grin, and then the two men burst out laughing. "Man oh man oh man. What a scene," said Johnny when he stopped laughing.

"Domestic bliss was never like this," countered Roy, and they drove away, chuckling. Without laughter, you just might have to cry at the stuff people lived every day.

* * *

><p>The squad was a safe place – a predictable, dependable place – especially after some of the bad runs, and John and Roy often found themselves thinking and talking about life within its confines. Driving back to the station, Johnny couldn't help but review their day so far. A suicidal 9 year old and now a family with small children in full self destruction mode… "Say Roy, d'you want to swing by the hospital and check on the Raines kid before we head back?"<p>

Roy thought for a moment. That whole incident had really gotten under his skin too, probably even more than for John, because he knew the family, and there was this undefined link to Chris and his changed behaviour. "Yeah. Let's do that. You call us 10-8 to Rampart. I wonder if his mother's still there?" said Roy.

John sighed and shook his head very slightly. It was a situation that wasn't yet resolved despite the child being seen by the best doctors available, and he wanted to find out all he could about it so he could help his friend, and his friend's son, who was as close to him as if he was his own flesh and blood…

When they got to Rampart, Brackett told them that he had admitted Kyle for a 30 day evaluation, and that his mother Sophie had gone home to get him some things he would need for his stay. "Wha'd'ya think, Doc? Can we visit?" asked John.

"I'd give it a couple of days, guys; he's pretty fragile right now."

Roy nodded. "I figured, but we just thought we'd check."

This time Kelly nodded, and then he sighed and his eyebrows drew together. "Say, Roy, would you mind coming into my office for a few minutes? I'd like to get some information from you since you know the boy…his mother suggested that you might have some insight into what is going on."

"I don't think so, but if it can help Kyle, I'll do what I can."

"D'you mind, John?"

"Naw, I can keep myself busy for a few minutes, no problem," Johnny replied. The other two men smiled. In the days before he was dating Jane they knew exactly how he would be keeping himself busy. Roy wondered idly if Johnny would fall back into his old habits if given half a chance as he followed Brackett into his office.

"Sit down, Roy." Kelly perched himself on the corner of his desk. "So, give me an overview – I know what happened today, but what led up to it? What's your take on this kid?"

"He's a good kid." Roy paused to collect his thoughts. "I've known him for about a year – since Chris, my son, started in Cub Scouts. Kyle is a year older but despite the difference in their ages, they're friends…well, friendly, anyway; y'know, hanging out after activities and going to sleepovers – part of the gang, I guess." Roy leaned forward in his chair, and Kelly shifted his weight. "I've been thinking about this off and on all day, Doc, and I just don't know…I can't think of any reason for his behaviour. His dad isn't around very much – a bit of a workaholic I guess you'd say – but it didn't seem to bother him, partly because he was usually at someone else's house."

"Did anything change recently? Can you think of a time where he didn't seem as usual to you? His mother said that his behaviour had changed for the worse in the past few months."

"Yeah, but so has my son's and, I mean, we're all still getting over the shooting at their school – it wasn't that long ago."

"Hmmm, I guess so. So you can't think of anything else to tell me?"

Roy thought about it for a moment; should he elaborate on his concerns about Chris' fighting and difficulty sleeping, his irritability? Was he making something out of nothing? He'd need to think about that some more before he said anything. "If I do see any links, I will let you know."

"That's all I can ask for, Roy."

* * *

><p>That evening, as Roy lay in his dorm bed, he went over and over the events of the day, especially Kyle's comment just before he tried to jump off the desk. His heart yearned towards his son, and he hoped that Chris was getting a restful sleep.<p>

Smiling Billy Abel, everyone's friend, whether young or old, was always there ready to lend a helping hand. Chris didn't know who to tell or what he should tell about the man everyone liked and relied upon. Who would listen to him anyway? He was just a child, and Billy was an adult. Billy gave presents to kids who didn't get noticed by their own dads – things that showed he really knew what they were interested in, like the balsa wood airplane model he had given to Chris recently. It was just what Chris had wanted, and hadn't had a chance to ask his dad to buy for him. Billy just knew things like that about the boys. And Billy wasn't afraid to get down and play in the mud if that is what the boys wanted to do. He comforted them if they were sad or hurt, treating them as if they were his own children…everyone said it was so good of him, so kind…Chris couldn't sleep and lay in his bed with the light off, just staring at his ceiling, staring and staring as the night wound down to the morning that started the whole cycle up again. He was so very, very tired, but if he closed his eyes, if he let down his guard…

Sometimes, when he was staring endlessly into the blackness, or fixating his gaze on a vague shape in the gloom, he remembered Wilson, the shooter at school. He remembered the desperation in the man's voice as he called over and over for his daughter. He remembered hearing the bangs and the crashes, the slams and the muffled screams. He remembered seeing the blood on the floor…and he was horrified to feel within himself an answering anger, a desire to grab that gun out of Wilson's hand, and _use_ it himself…that's why he couldn't let down his guard, why he had to be vigilant all the time. His father was a genuine hero, a fireman and a paramedic, someone who saved lives every day – and he, his father's son, was a murderer in his heart, though still only a child. The fear and shame and anger and pain grew and grew, every night feeding off itself like some mythical beast, until Chris hated himself with a passion that was as tangible as his skin and left a sour taste in his mouth at all times.

* * *

><p>The next day, Johnny caught up on his personal chores – groceries, laundry, banking, etc. while Jane was at school. He was waiting at her house after she finished work in the afternoon, and she was pleased that he had surprised her. "To what do I owe this?" she asked with smile as she unlocked her door. He carried in a bag of groceries and plopped it on her kitchen counter.<p>

"I brought supper. And I'll even help you make it," he grinned.

Jane laughed and tried to attack him, but he was too agile and spun away easily. She opened the bag and looked inside, recognizing the ingredients. "Boeuf bourguignon?"

"Is that how you say it? Roy tried to make it at the station one time and it was pretty interesting. I thought it might be good to see what someone who knows how to cook could do with it."

"I've never made it, but I know the technique – the main thing is to sear your meat first, and let the ingredients simmer a long time, getting to know each other." She looked at him coyly, "Are you planning on staying for a while?"

While their meal was "getting to know" itself, Johnny sat with Jane on her couch, and she snuggled into his arms, sighing with contentment. Johnny sighed too, but to Jane's attuned ear, he sounded worried rather than in the moment. "What's up?" she asked, gazing into his eyes, trying not to let herself be distracted by the line of his cheek or the way his dark hair curled by his ear.

"You heard about our run to your school yesterday, right?"

She sat up straighter. "Of course. Mr Meredith had a special staff meeting."

"What did he say?"

"Basically it's not our business so don't gossip; give the Raines family their space and respect. Do unto others."

Johnny nodded in agreement. "Good advice. I like him. Seems like he's got his head on straight."

"I think so too. What's bothering you, John?" She didn't mean to, but even she could hear that when she said his name it was like a caress. He smiled at her and kissed her…and then they were both distracted for a while.

"Uh, Jane…"

"Sorry - you want to talk to me, right."

"I don't want to _not_ do this, you know, but I'm finding you very…"

"I'll be good."

He sighed again, torn between wanting to continue this highly enjoyable activity and wanting to talk to her seriously. "I don't want you to be good…" he complained.

"Tell you what, we'll talk about what's bothering you and then we'll continue with what's on your mind."

He grinned at her choice of words. "Okay, but you better sit up, and stop being so darn…"

"Enticing? Seductive?" she teased.

"Yeah, all that."

"I'm listening."

Johnny turned away from looking at her so he could focus on what he wanted to say. "Roy knows the kid, Kyle I mean – so does Chris – same Cub pack." He didn't look her way, but he could feel that she was paying close attention to what he was telling her. "Kyle said – told Roy – Chris knows why he did it – why he tried to kill himself."

There was nothing flirtatious in Jane's manner now. "Oh, Johnny! But what does that mean?"

"That's what we don't know. And Chris has been having problems at school lately – Roy told me about it a few weeks ago but put it down to the Wilson thing."

"I knew Chris was spending time in the office because I'd see him there, and he wouldn't catch my eye, so I knew he felt guilty about it…"

John turned to look at her. "That's why I decided to talk to you about it. You've got like, an inside view. Have you noticed anything? Is there something, you know, from the school that might help us get what's going on? Maybe he's being bullied or I dunno…"

She frowned, thinking hard, but after a moment shook her head. "We've all been so tossed around by recent events that it's very difficult to say. I guess everyone just assumes that any reactions we've been seeing or feeling are due to the shooting. But maybe they're not – maybe there is something else…I'll keep my eyes and ears open, Johnny."

He relaxed, and drew her close to him again.

* * *

><p>It was almost the end of the school year, and the Gardenview School Family Fun Day and Barbeque was scheduled for the first Saturday in June. The PTA had decided that it would be a very good way to get the memory of the "incident" from a couple of months ago out of everyone's mind and help rebuild their little school community into the safe haven it used to be. Joanne was one of the main organizers, and she convinced her husband to take a turn manning the grill, so of course, Jane found it pretty easy to talk Johnny into giving his time flipping burgers too.<p>

The day was very sunny and there wasn't a lot of shade outside, so periodically Jane would go into the school to cool down. Despite her wide brimmed hat, she was worried about sunburn and heat exhaustion. There are definite disadvantages to being a redhead with fair skin in California. On one of her trips inside she heard some noises from a supposedly empty classroom, so she walked past the room, and pushed open the door that was closed over but not shut. "Hello?" she called.

A man's voice answered her. "Hi there! We just came inside to get out of the sun for a bit – I'm guessing you did too?" She vaguely recognized the man, and saw that he had two boys with him in the room – boys she knew from Chris' grade three class. There didn't seem to be anything amiss, but she got a strange feeling, and told the boys they should be outside. The boys looked at the man, and he smiled and nodded to them. "Listen to the teacher, men," he said, and winked at her. She didn't know how to respond, so she just herded the boys out the door. The man was right beside her, smiling and making conversation. "They're good kids, aren't they? I'm glad the school puts on this day for the families – brings everyone together and makes for good memories."

They were outside now, and he didn't wait for her response, but waved and sauntered off, still smiling and chatting to several people along the way. Jane stood there for a moment, trying to figure out what just happened. She walked over to the refreshment tent, where Joanne was giving out lemonade. "May I pour you a glass, Jane? You look warm." Jane nodded, and accepted the cup gratefully. "Did you have a good chat with Billy Abel? He's a nice man, isn't he?" commented Joanne.

"Billy Abel?"

"Yes, that man you were just standing with. He is very involved in Chris' Cub pack. Very good with the boys. They all love him."

"Oh," said Jane.


	10. Chapter 10

For the Children part 10

Roy stood in his son's room, just looking around. Chris was out playing baseball with some friends, and Joanne had taken Jenny shopping for some much needed shoes. He'd been shoe shopping with Jenny before, and it required an esoteric knowledge of style that he'd never possessed, as well as the negotiating skills of a United Nations diplomat. Joanne wasn't surprised when he said he'd stay home and get some chores done instead.

The bedroom was softly suffused with light from the window. It looked like a typical boy's room, with models, books, and a couple of trophies on shelves, his sash with earned merit badges hanging over the back of his chair, a baseball glove on the floor…Roy briefly wondered whose glove Chris was borrowing…Superman and Spiderman comics strewn beside the bed, lumps under his blanket that might be pyjamas or clothes that hadn't made it to the hamper.

Roy bent down when he saw a box sticking out partway from under the bed. It looked like a balsa wood model airplane kit. He was curious, because he knew he hadn't bought it, so he picked it up. The box had been opened, but the pieces weren't put together. He walked over to the desk in the room, and gently poured the pieces out onto the blotter. There was something written on a couple of pieces…he picked one up and read, written in thick black marker pen, "BASTERD".

There was a noise behind him, and he turned in his chair, to see his son standing there, a look of fury and guilt on his face. Roy held up the piece of wood questioningly, but before he opened his mouth, Chris rushed into the room, and said in a voice of suppressed rage that Roy had never heard come out of his son, "GET OUT." Roy rose to his feet, but Chris didn't give him a chance to speak. "GET OUT NOW!"

Roy went and stood in the doorway. "Chris…" he began, but his son was beyond reasoning, and looked at his father with pure hate.

"How dare you, Dad? This is MY room. This is MY stuff. All your talk about respect, it's just lies, isn't it? I can't trust you. I can't trust anyone. I hate you! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE." Chris slammed the door in his father's face. Roy was in shock. He raised up his fist to rap on the door, but it just stayed there in mid air. He swallowed the lump in his throat and said tentatively, "Chris? Son?" but there was no response from inside the room, and after a couple of minutes Roy walked away. He went and sat down at the kitchen table and just looked at nothing for the longest time. That's where he was when Joanne and Jenny came home almost an hour later.

"So, what do we do? Do we take him to a doctor or something? I wanted to ask him about Kyle, but I don't feel like I can when he's so angry." Roy rubbed his fingers between his eyebrows, trying to smooth out his incipient headache.

Joanne puttered about the kitchen, straightening boxes and cans on the shelves, her worry giving her nervous energy that needed to be expended. "I don't know, Roy. I have no answers for the questions you're asking. Just questions of my own."

The phone rang. "Hey, Jane, how are you?" Joanne replied when she heard her friend's voice.

"I'm fine, but I was wondering if you and Roy were busy."

Joanne pursed her lips together thoughtfully. Were they busy? They were trying desperately to figure out how to help their son without success. She decided to prevaricate a bit, and just replied, "What's up?"

"Um, something's bothering me a bit, and I was thinking I'd like to discuss it with you, if you didn't mind."

Joanne covered the mouthpiece of the phone with her hand. "She's got something she wants to discuss with me. What should I say?"

Roy shrugged. "We don't seem to be coming up with any solutions to what's going on with Chris, so I don't have a problem with her coming by."

Joanne uncovered the phone again. "Sure, Jane. Just you, or will Johnny be coming over too?"

"He's at home, but he said he would give me a call later. I guess he could come…"

"It's up to you, Jane, whatever you want."

"Okay, maybe it would be good for him to be there too. I'll give you a shout when we're going to head over. Is that all right?"

"Yeah, that's fine. See you soon."

As Joanne hung up the phone, Roy asked, "Any clue to what that's all about?"

Joanne shook her head. "At first I wondered if she was looking for advice about Johnny, but now I'm not so sure." She sat on her husband's lap. "You know I love your partner like a brother, but I'll tell you, I sure couldn't date him. He would drive me right up the wall. I don't know how you do it sometimes. And as for Jane, well, my hat's off to her…"

Roy grinned and hugged his wife.

Joanne made a casserole that would feed their family and Johnny and Jane too if they wanted to stay for supper. She had Jenny set the table for six. She and Roy had decided to leave Chris alone in his room if that was what he wanted. Every time she thought about her son, which was every few minutes or so, she would heave a tremendous sigh. At one point Roy, passing through the kitchen, heard her sigh several times within a minute, so he came by and gave her a one-armed hug. "Hang in there, sweetheart, we will figure this out."

She leaned on his arm. "I know we will. I just want it to be sooner rather than later."

The doorbell rang, and Johnny and Jane came in, with Jenny holding both their hands and swinging herself between them. Joanne reached out and gave Jane a quick hug. "Are you two able to stay for supper? We've got enough food for a…fire station!"

Jane turned to John and said, "See, I told you so." He grinned back at her, and grabbed a celery stick from the dish on the table.

John chewed on his celery, and walked over to Roy. "So, where's Chris?" he asked quietly. Roy just nodded upwards towards his son's room. "Ah," said John, "how is he?" Roy looked grim and again didn't say anything, but that was enough of an answer for John. He turned towards his hostess. "Joanne! How can I help you with this lovely repast?"

Joanne looked up from taking the casserole out of the oven. "Repast? Jane, what are you teaching this lout?"

Everyone was in full bantering swing now. "Lout? I've used the word 'repast' before!" exclaimed Johnny.

"As in 'I repast my test'?" threw in Roy.

"As in, 'milady, dost thou require assistance perchance…' "

"Oh, pu-lease! You're hurting my ears!" Roy covered his ears and then his daughter's ears, who was soaking up the camaraderie with glee. "And in front of this sweet child too!" He winked at Jenny, just to reinforce that the adults were all teasing each other.

John took off in style now, kneeling before Joanne, with his hand over his heart, and saying, "Any deed for thee, fair maiden…"

"Got news for ya, Mr Knight in shining armour, I ain't been a maiden for quite a while!" Joanne said with a drawl as she swung her hips around.

"What!" he rose to his feet and turned on Roy. "YOU! You shall answer for this!" He grabbed a breadstick and took up a fencer's stance, "I challenge you!"

Roy just stood there until Jenny pushed a breadstick into his hand, "C'mon, Daddy!" Roy sighed and put his left arm behind his back, while raising his right hand.

"Ah, ha ha! Captain Blood shall soon spill yours!" He lunged at his friend, who parried his bread easily.

As Joanne passed the two men, carrying the casserole dish, she said to Johnny, "So now you're Errol Flynn?"

"Johnny, you're incorrigible!" exclaimed Jane with a giggle as Johnny landed at her feet in a dramatic fake fall.

"What's that?"he asked as he rose up from the floor.

"Unable to be reformed."

He grinned widely. "Incorrigible. That's a great word! Incorrigible."

"Jane, don't encourage him by giving him big words to use – 'cause he will, and it'll be painful, especially for me," Roy commented. Then he noticed his son standing in the doorway, watching the antics with a tentative smile, but hesitant as if he wasn't sure he belonged in this happy family setting. Roy smiled at him and invited him to sit at the table, ignoring what had passed between them earlier.

After supper, the children went to get ready for bed, and the adults cleaned up the table and the kitchen. Roy said to John in an aside, "Thanks for that, pal."

"For what?"

"For joking around before supper so Chris wanted to see what was going on, and for joking around at supper so he forgot and enjoyed himself."

John patted his best friend on the back. "Any time, Roy, you know that."

Once the dishes were dried and put away and the children tucked into bed, they all sat down at the table and looked at Jane. It took her a moment. "Right. I did invite myself over to talk, didn't I?" She looked at the others, considering her words. "The Fun Day. I met the famous Billy Abel."

Joanne said, "I don't know if I would call him 'famous', would you, Roy? But I remember seeing you talk to him."

"Actually, I didn't talk to him, he talked to me. But…both of you talk about him as if he's a great guy, so…"

"He is a good guy. Always helpful, likes kids," said Roy.

"He's very generous with his time and seems to care a lot. Why, did you know that he made a trip just to pick up an airplane model that Chris liked and then delivered it to him the same day? That's pretty special," added Joanne.

Roy looked at his wife with surprise. "Billy Abel gave him that model?"

"Yes, just the other day. Why?"

"'Cause that kinda feels creepy to me, Joanne," said Johnny, and Jane jumped in.

"Creepy – that's the word! I had this funny feeling when I found Billy in a room alone with two boys from Chris' class during the barbeque…"

"You found what?" asked Roy, as a huge puzzle piece appeared ready to land – on his head.

"I didn't see anything that said those kids were in trouble, but it just felt…creepy. That's what I wanted to talk to you about tonight, Joanne. You seem to know the man well, and I thought that you could, I don't know, set me straight so I wouldn't be feeling this way."

Roy 's eyes got very big, and he put his hands over his mouth and blew out his breath forcefully. Then he rose so quickly from his chair that the legs scraped gratingly against the floor. Johnny looked at his friend with growing understanding and alarm, and rose from his chair too. He stood beside Roy, his face serious. "It's all circumstantial. There's no proof."

"No, but what does your gut tell you? Because mine is screaming at me."

Joanne and Jane also stood and came over, with Joanne struggling to catch up to the realization the other three had made. "What are you saying? Roy, you're really scaring me. What is it about Billy Abel and our son…" Her voice trailed off, as she came to the same place the others were. She staggered, and would have fallen if Roy and John hadn't caught her and put her into a chair. "No," she said softly. Then "No" more firmly, then "NO!" and Roy put his hand over her mouth gently.

"He'll hear you," he said into her ear.

She whispered, "My baby! My little boy! He can't have…he was always so kind…those boys would have done anything for him…" Her words slapped her as she heard what she had just said.

John sat down beside her and took her hand, gently rubbing it as he tried to help her calm down. "We have no proof. None at all. It's all conjecture."

Roy said in a flat voice, "But we know it's true. We just don't know to what extent."

Jane looked at her friends and saw their agony. "I'm so sorry. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut."

Both Roy and Joanne vehemently disagreed, and Roy explained, "We've been trying for a very long time to figure out this mystery. You held the missing clue."

John hit the table with his fist, "But we have nothing! Nothing!"

Roy paced around the room for a moment or two. Then he turned and looked at his partner. "Not nothing, Johnny. Kyle."

Johnny leapt to his feet, and almost ran to the phone, "Call Brackett." He held out the receiver to Roy and started dialing Rampart's number.

* * *

><p>Soon a police detective who specialized in the investigation of child mistreatment arrived at Rampart to talk with Kyle Raines. Detective Smith had been assigned to the dossier as part of a new initiative in response to a recent law that had been enacted, itself a response to a medical treatise on abuse entitled "The Battered Child Syndrome". It was new territory for everyone. The information the investigator received from Kyle led him to suggest that Chris Desoto should be brought into the hospital as soon as possible. Dr Brackett, who had been trained in the recognition of child abuse after the publication in the Journal of the American Medical Association of the article that changed people's perceptions, asked if he could be present during the interview. He didn't tell the detective that he was good friends with the family, but he wanted to be there to support Roy if he could. The detective was very grateful for his offer, and asked if he would lead the interview.<p>

The DeSoto family, except for Jenny, was in Dr Brackett's office with Kell and Detective Smith. Chris was no longer the angry young man they had seen earlier. Now he seemed like a little boy – a very vulnerable and hurting little boy. Dr Brackett looked at him earnestly and gently said, "Chris, we know that something has happened to upset you. I want you to know that Kyle Raines has been talking with some people here at the hospital, and we know about Billy Abel and his sleepovers. We need you to tell us if anything happened to you at those sleepovers. Anything at all."

Chris' lower lip trembled. Joanne's eyes filled with tears that did not fall as she looked at her son, longing to take him into her arms and soothe away his distress. His voice was very quiet when he spoke. "There were games," he said.

"What kind of games, Chris?"

"Tickle games. Wrestle games." Roy felt uneasy and the anger that was rising inside him was becoming a flaming monster growling with menace - he mentally imagined containing it in order to listen to Chris.

"Tell us about the games," encouraged Dr Brackett. Chris shot a fearful glance over at the policeman writing in a notebook. "It's fine, Chris. Don't worry about him." Kelly waited patiently for Chris to speak again.

"We…Kyle and I…called them Bum Tickles. And Chicken Wrestling."

Roy reached out and held on tightly to Joanne's hand, squeezing it convulsively as they listened. Joanne was breathing erratically, and he realized it was her way of crying without tears, containing her emotions just as he was confining the fire within himself.

"Why did you call them that, Chris?"

Chris shrugged and said, "Because that's what they were."

"So bum tickles were…?"

"Tickling your bum."

"Through your clothes?"

Chris shook his head 'no'. In a small voice he admitted, "Clothes off."He looked at Dr Brackett, and said in a stronger voice, "But we didn't really wrestle chickens, we just called it that because…"

"Because?"

"That's what it looked like, to us. Chicken before it's cooked."

No one said anything, and when Chris continued, it was very clear from his words that he had seen things and been made to do things that no child should know about.

Roy couldn't bear anymore, and he excused himself from the room. His heart was pounding, his head was reeling. He wanted to run as fast as he could away from this place. He wanted to smash and hit and kick and hurt…hurt so bad…he went into the men's washroom and locked the door. It came, like a tidal wave, the sobs, deep in his gut, tearing out of him, pulling him apart. He clamped his hands tightly over his mouth trying to contain the noise. He couldn't see; his eyes stung so sharply. God oh God oh God oh God…not my boy, not my Chris, no no no no no…

Besides the fiery anger, another monster lived inside him, this one with piercing accusatory eyes and sharp claws that ripped up his mind with, "I should have…" "If only…" "It's my fault that…" "No wonder he said he hates me…" gnawing, tearing, insidious doubts and recriminations that swirled into eddies of guilt…he had to face the fact that he, Chris' father, off saving the world, had left his own child vulnerable to the wolves that lurked in plain sight.

Someone knocked on the washroom door, and he stopped breathing in order to prevent those primal howls from rising and taking over again. Then he heard his son's voice calling for him, tentative and unsure, "Daddy? You there?"

He opened the door, and there stood Chris, looking for him. Chris saw the tears on his father's cheeks, the first ones he had ever seen, and he came to him and held him as tight as he could, saying, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry Daddy, I love you, I really do, don't cry Daddy, please don't cry, I'm sorry…"

Roy closed the door and relocked it so he could take his boy into his arms without worrying someone would interrupt them. "It's all right. I love you, Chris. I love you." The two of them clung to each other until the rage and hurt subsided. Roy buried his face in his son's hair and kissed his blond head fiercely, while Chris patted his father's back. When Roy regained control he took Chris' face in his hands, looked at him directly in the eyes and said, "Whatever happened, it's not your fault. Remember that. You are a child. He is a grownup. It's not your fault." He mussed up Chris' hair with his hand, and hugged him tightly. Then he looked at Chris directly again. "I am proud of you, son." Chris closed his eyes as his father's words reached into his bruised heart and eased the pain he had been holding for so long.

"Why, Dad?"

"Why am I proud or why did this happen?"

Chris just nodded 'yes' to both questions. Roy replied, "I am proud of you because you did the right thing just now, telling us about what happened. I know it wasn't easy for you. I am proud of you because you have carried a heavy burden on your young shoulders for a long time, wanting to protect your friend and wanting to be loyal to an adult. Even if it wasn't the best choice, in your heart you were trying to do what you thought was right." Chris smiled with relief at his father's words, and Roy was reassured by its spontaneity and naturalness, which he hadn't seen in a long time. He continued, "I don't know why this happened, and I don't know if we'll ever know why Billy Abel did the things he did. But I do know that no matter what he told you, you did not cause him to do this to you or to the others."

"Dad, it didn't happen to me like it happened to Kyle. You were around a lot and I think Billy – Mr Abel – was a bit scared of you."

Roy's jaw worked as he ground his teeth together. That was a small consolation, of a sort. But wasn't there something in the Bible about millstones around the neck and being drowned in the depths of the sea? That was too good for this evil man.

"I wish I had told you, but I didn't know how."

"I am so very sorry, Chris, that I wasn't around those times you needed me."

"No Dad, you've always been great. It's just that, well, when things started, I mean, I don't know, it just happened and I guess I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what to do about it, and it was, um…"

"Chris, I know you are _not_ to blame. I should have been there protecting you, that's my job."

"But Dad, you couldn't be with me all the time. No one could. I don't blame you, Dad! Please don't think I do!"

"Let's make a pact, okay? We won't blame ourselves or each other. We'll just move on from here – how 'bout that?" Chris nodded in gratitude, and Roy said, "C'mon, we should go find your mother, and let her know we're all right." They washed their faces, and opened the washroom door. Dixie was standing outside in the hallway, and as they left, she pulled off a paper that had been taped to the door that read, "Out of Order". Roy just nodded his thanks to his favourite nurse with a small sad smile of acknowledgment, and walked back to Brackett's office with his arm around Chris' shoulders.

Joanne spoke with Kell privately after the policeman left and while Roy and Chris were gone. "What is this going to do to him, Dr Brackett? Is he going to be gay? Is he going to have problems having relationships when he's older? What can we do to help our son? I feel so guilty that someone was hurting my child under my nose, and I never knew, didn't realize, even when he started being so different in his behaviour. And this will just about kill Roy."

"Joanne, we don't have any specific therapies for children who have been abused, at least not yet. In my experience, the best thing you can do for Chris is encourage him to talk about what happened when he feels the need. If you see him getting irritable again, or not sleeping, or if he makes any comments or does anything that suggests he may be depressed, be insistent, in a gentle way, that he share with you what he's thinking and feeling. Whether it will affect the kind of relationships he'll have when he's older, we don't know. I do know that children who know they are loved, who are cared for and whose parents show they believe in them, do much better than we might expect. So, in other words, continue doing what you're doing."

She nodded and thanked him for his encouraging words. The door opened and Roy and Chris entered with their arms around each other. She rose and drew them both into a big hug. Dr Brackett let them have their moment in private as he quietly closed the door behind him and walked back to into the Emergency ward.


	11. Chapter 11

For the Children part 11

All the boys in the Cub pack were interviewed by the police, as well as any other boy to whom Billy had access. When the arrest warrant finally was made out, there were nine confirmed victims, with more pending, and Kyle and Chris weren't the first. It came out during the statements from the children to the police that once the boys started saying 'no' to Billy Abel, he graciously accepted their refusals and went on to his next victims, in several cases the younger brothers of the boys he had previously abused. When the boys realized this, some of them would allow Abel to continue abusing them in order to protect the younger kids.

In his statements to the police, Billy appeared to honestly believe that he had not harmed the children in any way, because he never coerced them. He told the investigators that it was his wife's fault that he needed to 'be affectionate' with the boys, as she did not fulfill his needs 'correctly'. He blamed his own son for 'turning him in' when the police interviewed the child and corroborated what his friends had said. It seemed that Abel had used the opportunity of the Wilson shooting to 'comfort' the boys at a new level, which is why Kyle's distress had reached a critical point, since he was available most often.

As soon as he was arrested, Billy was ordered not to have any contact with any of the victims, but the community was still hit by the aftershocks of Abel's actions. There were the people who refused to believe that Billy had done anything wrong because he was so charming and kind, and who accused the children of making up stories in order to get attention. Billy tried to call in all kinds of favours throughout his network, hoping to get enough personal endorsements that the case against him would be considered ridiculous. It led to a pro- and anti- separation within the school population, with people arguing about guilt and 'who knew what' in inappropriate places such as the local garage.

Some of the children at school began asking questions of the boys they knew had been in the Cub pack, such as, "Were you one of them? Did he do 'it' to you too?" The principal held an assembly to put a stop to that immediately after he was made aware it was going on. "It's in the hands of the police, and NO ONE needs to be talking about it at school or asking questions from anyone who knows Mr Abel or his family. Our school is all about RESPECT. Anyone found harassing any student for any reason will have to deal directly with ME." He stared down all the gossipers until they cringed before him.

The Cub pack was disbanded – although Billy hadn't been an official leader, the association in peoples' minds was such that no one wanted to send their child to their activities, and the leaders quit due to the subtle questioning about their competence and possible collusion with Abel. Several families in the neighbourhood even put their houses up for sale.

One of the people Billy called to ask for a character reference was Joanne Desoto. She couldn't believe it was him on the phone when she heard his voice. She gripped the receiver so tightly her knuckles were white and she could barely understand what he was saying due to the blood pounding in her ears.

"Just hoping you'll put in a good word for me, Joanne. You know all the good things I've done for this community over the years. You know this stuff they're saying about me couldn't be true. And the boys, you know how I took care of them, maybe not always in the right way, but I always had their best interests at heart, you know that." She couldn't speak, she couldn't hang up, she just held onto the phone as if it were glued to her hand. He said, "Just keep it in mind, will you?" and when she didn't respond he finally hung up.

She gradually unfroze and replaced the receiver on the hook, but then immediately picked it back up and called her husband at the station. It rang twenty times before she hung up. Five minutes later, she tried again. Then again. On the fourth try she got Captain Stanley. "Please, I need to speak to Roy, please." He could hear the distress in her voice, so he told her to hang on, the squad was just returning.

As Roy opened the squad door, Cap motioned to him. "Your wife's on the phone; she sounds upset. Take it in my office."

Roy ran into the office and picked up the phone, "Hello? What's wrong, honey?" Joanne recounted the phone call from Billy, and Roy counselled her, "You gotta go make a statement at the police station, Joanne. They need to know what he said to you, especially the part about maybe not caring for the boys in the right way. Can you drive or do you want someone to bring you?"

"I can drive. Oh, Roy, will this nightmare ever end?"

"Yes, it will. I do believe that. And what just happened might even help the case for the police."

"How could he call me, of all people, especially after what he did to our son? I don't understand it!"

"I don't either – the only thing I can think is that he's just so full of himself he can't see how other people see things."

"It's amazing and scary to me at the same time."

"It's probably how he got a hold on the boys so easily – can you imagine a child trying to fight against that level of self assurance and blindness?"

"I am so grateful I have you, Roy. Thanks for helping me with this."

"Always, Jo. We're a team."

* * *

><p>The day before Billy's plea arraignment, Roy returned from a run in the squad to find a visitor waiting for him at the station. Again Captain Stanley met him and John as they pulled into the bay. "Roy, there's someone to see you in my office. You can use it for as long as you like."<p>

Roy was surprised and headed into the office right away. John was very curious, but Cap deftly redirected him to the kitchen before he could peek and see who it was. John got himself a coffee, and asked Mike in an under-voice, "Who's waiting for Roy? You know?"

Mike shrugged and replied, "Some woman. Never saw her before."

"So, what's the story?"

"She was here waiting when we pulled in after that trash fire. Just said that she needed to see Mr DeSoto."

"Huh. I wonder if it's someone from a call. Or someone from Rampart, maybe?" asked Johnny. Mike shrugged again, and walked away to take the newspaper over to the couch. "Huh," Johnny repeated, and sat down at the table, worrying about his partner and this unknown woman. His friend had been through so much garbage lately that his instinct was to go in there and stand guard, just in case. He drummed his fingers on the tabletop until Marco told him to stop.

Roy closed the office door behind him, and tried not to react with too much surprise to seeing Mrs Abel. She was standing over by the window, looking out, when he entered. "Hi, how are you? What can I do for you?" he asked as he extended his hand. She gave a small travesty of a smile as she shook his hand, and took the seat he offered her.

"I know you must be wondering why on earth I'm here. I didn't know who else to talk to, and you're sort of official, I mean you work for the city, but you aren't the police…I hope you don't mind me coming to your work like this."

"No problem. So, what's going on?" he leaned forward in his chair, trying to help her feel more comfortable.

"I was given this, this morning when I went to see my…husband…at the jail. He wanted me to give it to Kyle Raines. He's not allowed to have any contact with the boys, and it wasn't really sealed, so I…" she offered him an envelope, with the flap undone.

"You want me to look at this?" he asked and she nodded emphatically.

"I need someone to tell me what to do."

He took the letter from her hand, and slide out the paper from the envelope. "_Dear Kyle_," he read, "_I want you to know I don't blame you for what you said to the police. No matter what happens, we will always have our special times. Tell them anything you want. I know you will remember how I care about you. Someday, we can talk about this together. I look forward to it. Your friend forever, Billy_." Whoa. Was the man insane, to write this? Roy handed her back the paper, and Mrs Abel looked at him.

"You want my opinion?" he asked, and she nodded again. "You can't give this to Kyle."

She was surprised, and said, "No, of course not! I wouldn't consider doing that!"

He nodded this time, grateful that they seemed to be on the same page. "It almost seems to be an admission, but not quite. It does appear to be, I would say, an attempt to manipulate Kyle."

"That's what I feel too," she said. "Should I give it to the police?" He looked at her questioningly, and she continued, "It's just that, if I do…my marriage is over."

His gaze had compassion – she was a stay at home mother with no marketable skills and a traumatized son in a place with little support for women in her condition. When he said gently, "Isn't it over anyway?" she started to cry softly.

After a moment she pulled herself together, and said, "I'll take it to the detective who is on the case as soon as I leave here. At the very least, it's evidence that he is trying to contact one of his victims, which is against court orders."

He rose as she got out of her chair, and said as he opened the door, "I agree that's the best thing to do. And good luck to you." He held out his hand again to her, and as she took it he added, "I really mean that. I hope that things will go better for you soon." She thanked him wistfully, and left.

* * *

><p>No one really knew why Billy changed his plea to 'guilty' at the last minute, especially after he spent all that time trying to get character references to say that he couldn't have done anything wrong, but Roy had a strong suspicion it was due to the evidence of that letter Mrs Abel had shown him. It was such a relief for the community when Abel was sentenced without having to go to trial – it meant the children were spared being put through any more traumas. In a quick plea bargain, Billy was sentenced to two years, which angered just about everyone…two years for destroying all those boys' childhoods – it really did not seem like justice.<p>

The night after the sentencing, Joanne and Roy and John and Jane were having a late dinner at the Desoto's house. The children were already in bed. They had been discussing the whole situation, for their son and the other victims, but also for the Abel family. Joanne decided to bring coffee into the living room and they all moved in there, John spreading himself over the couch, with Jane on the floor beside him, and Roy in the rocking chair.

Jane took up the conversation again. "We really don't have anything in place for these children, do we? I mean, to protect them. I remember so well how I felt about Karen Wilson and her father – I was ready to do anything to help her, but there wasn't anything I really could do."

"Except for risk your own life," growled Johnny. Jane reached up and patted his arm, "As you did too," she reminded him.

"How is she doing? Do you know?" asked Roy.

"She's in foster care, so no one knows. I just pray she's in a stable home now, with people who care about her."

"It really hurts me to think of little children living in fear like Karen," said Roy.

John sat up and said, "Y'know, people think of abuse as hitting or neglecting children, but this sex thing is probably just as bad."

Roy agreed, "I think you're right. In terms of what it does to a child's sense of safety and security, in terms of their self-esteem, it might be as damaging, if not worse, than being smacked around."

Joanne commented as she put the tray with the cups on the coffee table, "Why is that? Why is there no recognition of the devastating effects of all kinds of abuse, including sexual abuse?" She paused to catch her breath after she said that. "Oh, God, it still hurts so much to admit that our son is a victim." Roy reached out to her, and squeezed her hand, as she walked by. She took the other chair and brought it nearer to him.

"Y'know what's scary? We've had a society for protection against cruelty to animals for years – but we're just starting to have organizations that look after the protection of children," said Johnny. "What does that say about our priorities?"

"There's no real research out there into the effects of abuse, so it's not on people's radar," said Roy.

Jane said firmly, "Well, there ought to be! Research or no, these kids are in danger!"

Roy continued, "Funding comes from research, and research comes from funding."

"Sounds like the snake eating its tail, to me," said Johnny.

"I hope not, Johnny," responded Roy, "Remember we heard fairly recently, end of '74 I think, about the passing of a federal law, the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act, that's supposed to help change the situation."

Joanne folded her arms in front of her chest, and said, "I want to know what I can do for my child, right now."

Jane said, "There's got to be something we can do, as parents and concerned adults, or even as professionals." She sat up very straight. "Let's do this. We'll find out what research is being done where, and we'll make sure that it's followed up, either through the teacher's organization, the PTA, or the paramedic training program…we'll become advocates for those who don't have a voice."

John nodded emphatically, "Yeah. I saw enough crap when I was growing up, and everyone turned a blind eye to what was going on, even though everyone knew. I don't want to see it happen to anyone else, especially someone I care about."

Roy was right there, too. "I agree. I see far too much in my job, and now it's affected my home. I will _never_ not speak out again, when I see or hear something I feel could mean a child is in danger." He looked at his partner, "Y'know Johnny, this is something we could bring to the paramedic review committee – the new law, the need for research and follow-up, and its potential effects on practice, especially the practice of reporting."

Joanne said, "I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you all talk like this. Like you, Johnny, I can't bear the thought of even one more child going through anything like this. On my part, I will take my concerns to the regional PTA organization. We don't have to say our child was a victim, but we can be that voice Jane mentioned. For the children."

"For the children," the other three voices echoed, and it was a pledge.

Finis


End file.
